Always eluding

I don't believe in love anymore. Actually, wait. Let me rephrase that. I don't believe that love will happen to me anymore. And, it's not a question of me feeling whether I deserve it or not. I probably do, I mean everyone deserves to be loved, right? And, I've been loved. By family, friends, dogs, ex boyfriends. So, I guess I'm lucky in a lot of ways. I have a lot of love in my life even now.

But that big love that everyone talks about? That big love that makes people throw caution to the wind, that makes them want to stand in front of hundreds of people and declare their love for each other? That love is going to elude me. I can feel it in my gut, in my very bones. And, my gut has never let me down before.

So, I can grieve for it for a little while. Like any sane person would. And, then I'm just going to pick myself up and carry on. Because there's only so much you can do to wait for that big love, and if it's not going magically appear then you just have to carry on with your life. Whether you like it or not.

I don't want this post to seem like I've given up and that I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm really not. Like I said, I'm lucky to have all the love that I do right now. And, I may miss a big love periodically, but I'll still be lucky.