What can Joze do to waste time?

I hate my birthday. I hate it with a passion. Because as much as I'm trying not to get into a self pity mode these days, my birthday just brings it along every year. I hate having to celebrate it because then it just means I need to invite people. And then I feel bad that I don't have enough friends who want to celebrate my birthday with me. It's horrible, horrible. The only reason I decided to celebrate my birthday this year was because some of my close friends got married this year. And, I feel like a birthday is the closest way to feel like a bride. You know, that one day when everybody gives you attention. Because, if I have to wait for a wedding to feel special, then that day will never come. Might as well make use of a birthday. But, I'm feeling horrible. I don't want to celebrate it. I hate it. I fucking hate it.