Hooked on a feeling

You know, sometimes I look at pictures of weddings, and I have this urge to get married right then. I think it's that urge some women get when they look at babies. It doesn't last for very long. (The marriage urge that is) But, it's there. I imagine a lot of single 30 year old women feel the same way. Here's the funny part though. While I want the wedding, I don't think I want the marriage. 

If someone came up to me and said, here's the most perfect man in the world and he wants to marry you tomorrow, I wouldn't want to do it. Two years ago, when all my friends were getting married, I would've say yes in a heartbeat. But now, I don't know. It doesn't seem like the end.

I'm trying to decide whether this is a healthier place to be. Yes, I'm not wallowing in self-pity and claiming that I'm never going to fall in love or get married. But, I also don't care and don't want to make the effort anymore. It's bordering on apathy, and I'm not sure if it's any better. I don't feel sad or wistful when I look at happy couples, or listen to soppy love songs. There was a time when I would listen to the lyrics of a song and wonder if anyone would ever feel that way about me. And, now, I honestly don't care. It's not that there's a part of me that is confident I'm going to meet someone. I honestly and truly with all my heart feel that it's not important anymore. I haven't replaced it with anything else. But, I now know that it's completely possible to live your life without waiting for your knight in shining armour to come and rescue you from the dreariness.

Actually, wait. That does sound healthier. Yeah, wait and watch then.