Fatness to Fitness

I've been feeling disappointed by my body lately. Because it's not as thin as I want it to be. Because when I tell people I've been doing Crossfit since June of last year, they look at me with one eyebrow cocked as if to say "Erm, but it doesn't show." They're too nice to say that, of course. But, I know what they're thinking. And, I want to blame my body because it's easier than blaming myself.

Because even though, I have been doing Crossfit 3 times a week since June, I've been taking a lot of gaps, and I haven't been controlling my diet in the meantime. This year was supposed to be my serious year of fitness. However, in a month and a half, I've gone exactly 6 times. So, really. I think my body is taking some unnecessary and uncalled for flak.

I'm actually beginning to think that I've put on weight. While a lot of people will tell me that's imaginary, what's not imaginary is that the very same pants that I wore yesterday is now tight for me. I swear, I am not imagining that. Yesterday, I could sit comfortably. Today, the same pants are cutting into me. So while, I can dismiss my weighing scale saying that it's probably inaccurate. I can't dismiss my pants. 

I would really like to wallow in self pity. I've given up sugar for almost 3 weeks now with absolutely no noticeable difference. I've cut down my carb intake as well. But here, look at that, my pants are tighter than it was yesterday. It's really frustrating. It's probably because of the peanuts I ate yesterday.

I would LOVE to lose weight. Absolutely love to. For some reason, I seem to  think that it will make me a lot more attractive even though it will require a completely expensive wardrobe overhaul. But, I have a feeling that's really not motivation enough to actually go out and lose the weight.  I've been reading so many from fat to fit blogs about real women who lost so much weight and have reached their ideal weight. My sister is a real life example of that as well. And, they've all achieved it through some real hard work, dedication, discipline, and self control. Things which I know nothing of apparently.

So, after wallowing in my victim complex about how I'm the only Crossfit girl who actually gains weights, I will give myself fitness goals and a deadline to complete them. Fitness goals are great, of course. But, I've realised that without a deadline, you can probably take the rest of your life to finish them.

I am absolutely determined to run the Bangalore 10K this May. It's been on my wishlist for a while. So, that's my deadline. I will start training so that I'm able to do a 10K run quite comfortably. Also, using the May deadline, I would also like to be able to do 10 pushups without losing form. Right now, I think I can do about 4. And, this one's really ambitious, but I'd like to be able to do a pull up. I'm probably not going to make the May deadline for this one, but I'm going to really try. Maybe even a kipping pull up will count.

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There you go. I'm putting my foot in my mouth by announcing these fitness goals here. I remember the last time I did that, I probably didn't step into the gym after that. I'm feeling less of a pessimist this year though.