After a good cry, and a reasonably good night's sleep ( I dreamt of kittens and puppies), I woke up feeling much better about myself and deleted the post I had written last night. The post was, well, a lot about self loathing actually. For some reason, I seem to have gotten a comment on it as well. By some well meaning guy who told me that I should lower my standards, act pricey, and remove my name from this blog. Because, I mean, no one wants to see spastic Joze all over the interwebs.
This time, last year, I was in a fairly bad place. And, while I wasn't clinically diagnosed as depressed. I realised that there was something wrong and went and sought help. There's no one-stop solution to getting out of depression. There's a lot of slow steps and mostly trying to put yourself in places where there's a lot of unconditional love and security. Obviously, I didn't think that I was miraculously over my depression. I knew that it was lurking somewhere in the background. But, I thought that I had placed myself in a good place, and it would take a while for it to reappear. Well, I thought wrong. It was much closer to the surface than I realised. And, all it needs is one medium sized blow to the self esteem, and it rears its ugly head.
It doesn't mean that I have to start afresh. I know things now that I didn't want to accept last year, and that's going to make the process easier this time. It all starts with some self loving and surrounding yourself with people who love you.
But, you know, of all the crappy things that well meaning commenter did write, the one useful thing he did say was to remove my name, and I agree with him. Not because some potential dude is going to Google my name and find my blog, but because I feel like this blog is becoming more of a personal space, and I would rather not have it out there associated with my name. You know, for a while at least.
This time, last year, I was in a fairly bad place. And, while I wasn't clinically diagnosed as depressed. I realised that there was something wrong and went and sought help. There's no one-stop solution to getting out of depression. There's a lot of slow steps and mostly trying to put yourself in places where there's a lot of unconditional love and security. Obviously, I didn't think that I was miraculously over my depression. I knew that it was lurking somewhere in the background. But, I thought that I had placed myself in a good place, and it would take a while for it to reappear. Well, I thought wrong. It was much closer to the surface than I realised. And, all it needs is one medium sized blow to the self esteem, and it rears its ugly head.
It doesn't mean that I have to start afresh. I know things now that I didn't want to accept last year, and that's going to make the process easier this time. It all starts with some self loving and surrounding yourself with people who love you.
But, you know, of all the crappy things that well meaning commenter did write, the one useful thing he did say was to remove my name, and I agree with him. Not because some potential dude is going to Google my name and find my blog, but because I feel like this blog is becoming more of a personal space, and I would rather not have it out there associated with my name. You know, for a while at least.
:D
ReplyDeleteThanks, well meaning commenter.
ReplyDelete