It will happen when you least expect it to...

When I read the title of this article, I thought it was going to be a condescending piece about the same advice that most 'coupled' people like to give you. 

"Just wait for it, it will happen when you least expect it."

When people say that to me, I'm confounded. I mean, how does that even work? It wasn't until this morning that I realised how ingrained this 'single girl' thinking is in me. I don't even know I'm doing it. I was getting ready for a shower this morning and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and thought " I bet if I was thinner, someone would like me." I had to physically shake my head to clear that thought. I don't realise that I'm thinking about it ALL THE TIME. So, when someone gives you advice like "It will happen when you least expect it" You're thinking, am I going to meet him when I'm brushing my teeth? But, wait, you probably thought about it then as well. So, then you go about pretending not to think about it, and you're like, well I totally wasn't thinking about being single then, how come I didn't meet him?

The article is absolutely fantastic because apart from this reader being single for 8 years, she was 32 when she met her boyfriend. Recently, I'd also been feeling this whole, "my life can't get any better now that I've turned 31." So, her 8 tips are really fantastic.

You can read the whole article here.

But, here are some of my favourite bits:

"There were times when it seemed like everyone I knew was in love/getting engaged/getting married/having babies. And this would give me carte blanche to feel sorry for myself. Comparing yourself to other people is always a waste of energy, but when I was single, I had this perception that being in love made your problems go away. Being in love is great, but if anything, I’ve found that it makes you have to face your problems more honestly because there is another person there staring you in the face. Don’t waste your energy comparing yourself. Be as happy for all those people as you’ll want them to be for you when it’s your turn. And it will be your turn at some point. I promise."

And...

"Sometimes you’ll be revved and ready to date. You’ll be on OKCupid scrolling though suitors like a mofo, you’ll be accepting potential setups, guys will be popping out of manholes on the street to date you. Then you’ll go through dating fatigue and erase your online profile and sit in a dark room for weeks. Then you’ll embrace your hiatus and do ME TIME to the extreme. Then you’ll get sick of ME TIME, but there will be no prospects and you’ll find yourself in the most epic dry spell. You’ll go for months without so much as eye contact with a person you’re attracted to. Then one day, you’ll reactivate your profile or meet someone cool at a party and the whole damn thing will start again."

I joined an online dating site a couple of months. Although, in India, they're called Matrimonial sites. In retrospect, I signed up for the wrong reasons. I really wanted to meet someone. But, it was primarily because I was bored, and I thought that meeting someone would make my life extraordinary. Realising the futility of this exercise, I finally disabled my profile a few days ago. And, I'm going through the 'ME Time' phase as the author of this article mention. Although, I'm sincerely hoping this phase lasts the longest. I'm sure that at some point, I will feel like getting back in the game and I will feel ready to face the shallow hypocritical world of online matrimonial sites. But, I'm going to enjoy the ME TIME as much as possible in the meantime.

(Image Source)

The key to surviving this is the patience. As a single person, you want everything to happen fast. You want to meet the man of your dreams now. You want him to ask you out now. You want to be his girlfriend now. So, when someone telling you to wait is incomprehensible. But, I'm finally recognising the value in this slow wait. Sure, it may be a few more years till anything happens, but the important thing to remember is that it WILL happen. When you've been single as long as me (6 years!) you begin to lose sight of that. You think that because it's been so long, it's never going to happen. But, it will. It will, at some point. It's the only thing I know with certainty.