Warning: System Overload

2012-01-31T17:42:00.000+05:30

I'm not really sure that I understand what's happening with the fonts on this blog. I love this new editor, but every time I try to format a post (change font, change size, justify so on), the blog doesn't recognise the damn thing. It's like Blogger has a big fat bug in its editor. Is anyone else this issue? Is this because of the template I've chosen? You know, in a way, I like the way my blog surprises me. I never know what font or formatting is going to show up on the actual post. Maybe it's got a personality of its own.

Blogger formatting issues aside, what I did want to talk about was three links that I saw/read today that made me react in different ways.

This is the first one:

I cannot tell you how much me and colleague laughed. Did you see how many deer he was chasing? hahahaha. The funniest thing I've seen in a while.

The second one is an article about Nadal. If you've been living under a rock, you might not have heard about the epic Australian Open finals that happened a few days ago. The longest match in history and Nadal lost. I didn't watch the match. I'm really not much of a sports watcher, but I have to admit that I enjoy watching tennis. So, I'm aware of these players, but don't really know much about them. I might have watched Nadal play once and thought he was a firehouse. Anyway, this article is so well written that I am awe of not only Nadal but the person who wrote it. Got chills:

Read it here

The third one is an emotional blog post of how Pixar films have got the author's son to come out of his autism shell. It is such a touching piece. How do people write like this?

Anyway, I recommend all three links. They will definitely brighten your day.

Weekend Musings

2012-01-30T12:58:00.004+05:30

I know this has been discussed before, but have you ever found yourself thinking in 140 characters or less. Last night, while getting ready for bed, I couldn't wait to fall asleep, and I thought to myself, I wonder if anyone else gets as excited about falling asleep as I do. I mean, I was really looking forward to it like as if it were a movie or a vacation. That's a bit strange, isn't it? I mean, even I have to admit that it's a bit wonky.

Yesterday, I actually got an image of what I look like with strangers. First, that theatre workshop and that car ride was nowhere was painful as I thought it would be. I actually had a good Sunday. On the ride back, I mentioned to people that I was considering not going to another event ever. Also, that I wasn't recommending it to my friends. And, for some reason, this one girl got really offended by it. I'm not sure why, but she was like, why do you say that? What's wrong with it? All I kept thinking was, Oh my God, I should just shut up. I'm not sure why I never learned diplomacy and tact. Where do other people learn it? There must've been some workshop that I missed. Why do I have to go around telling strange people what I think? There's kind of a limit to this honesty tag, no?

Apart from that really awkward conversation, the rest of the day was fun, and I'd be really excited about going to another event. Provided, of course, that the event is interesting. I didn't meet anyone exciting enough, but I'm looking at this more of a place where I get to do fun things over the weekend. You know, things that I wouldn't normally do with my friends. Along the way, if I do happen to make friends with a few people, I think that's pretty great. And, there were some really sweet people who came along for this one. I wouldn't mind keeping in touch with them at all.

With regards to my fitness goals, I've decided that February is going to be the month of diet control. January, I increased my frequency to the gym, and I've got some kind of a routine going. Averaged about four times a week. It should probably increase to 5, but I'm relatively happy with frequency. My worry is portion control. Actually, more than portion control, it's just eating the wrong things. If I could just stop eating a deep friend bacon wrapped shrimp that my friend ordered, I think that's half the battle won.

(On another note, whoever decided to make bacon wrapped shrimp? And, why does it taste so damn good?) Great, now I'm craving some bacon and shrimp.

What's your weekend looking like?

2012-01-27T16:49:00.003+05:30

I'm doing two things this weekend that are going to make me extremely uncomfortable. I joined this Singles only network where they organise weekly events at different venues across the city. It sounded like a fun thing to sign up for. I met the founder a couple of months ago and told him that I wanted to join. You pay a 3 month membership fee and then pay for each event. I've gone for two events in about two months, and I don't want to diss it, but I was extraordinarily uncomfortable at both of them. I kept telling myself that I would go for one that interested me, and voila, he sent out an email for a Theatre workshop, followed by lunch at Fat Chef (see below), and a play. It's the perfect outing. Except for the workshop. I've seen my share of movies to know what's involved in a theatre workshop. They're going to make you do something embarrassing, and everybody's going to be looking at you. It's going to be awful, and I have no idea how to get out of this. But, I really really want to have lunch at Fat Chef and watch the play. So, that's the first uncomfortable thing. The second one is because it's in the middle of nowhwere, I'm going in a car pool with other random people. I have to say that it may even be more awkward and horrifying than the workshop. Can you imagine? A car ride with four other strangers? Urgh.

The way that I'm looking at it is that this is something so far out of my comfort zone that I should be probably do it. I'm almost 30. I've traveled to countries by myself, just count this as an experience in an exotic country and try to make the best of the situation.

About the work thing, I feel like writing this blog post has given me the wake up call that I need. I'm going to get all the restlessness out of my system with this weekend. And, I'm going to pull up my socks and start being the hard working person I used to be when I first began. The fun and games are over. It's now time to work for my living.

While we're talking about work, I have to mention that I've realised I'm not a good writer. At least, I'm not a good formal writer. I always knew that I didn't know how to write academically, but I thought I'd be okay with work stuff. However, it appears that I'm not good at that as well. I want to say that I'm not a good writer all round, but something tells me that when it comes to writing fluffly chick lit, I might be okay, you know? What I am good at though: I'm a bloody good editor. I know what reads well, I know my punctuation, I know my sentence structure, I know how to put an article together. I'm a really good editor. Which makes me think that I missed my calling as a publisher. You remember that phase when I really wanted to do it? Well, I still do. But, I'm 30 now, and I've run out of the fire, I think. I mean, I need to settle down in something, don't I? Might as well be communications compared to internet advertising. Bleh.

Happy weekend, folks.

Fat Chef

2012-01-25T18:23:00.000+05:30

If you've been to Bangalore, you must know how far Whitefield is. It's almost 20 kilometres away from where I live, and I've never had the need to go there before. Until Zara decided to set up shop in one of the biggest malls in Bangalore. Recently opened that too. For Zara, traffic and distance will be braved. While we wanted to check out the mall, we also wanted to make an event out of it. There's this really nice restaurant called Fat Chef that's situated at this very interesting theatre space called Jagriti, and we decided to have lunch there and head to the mall.

I must say that my first impressions of the restaurant were excellent, and my first impression did not change till the end of the meal. It is such a quaint little space, and reminded me of these little cafes I used to have brunch in Melbourne. The menu is written on two chalkboards at the entrance, so you have to stand there and decide what you're going to eat. We were really hungry, so we ordered a satueed mushrooms with garlic as an appetiser. For our main course, we were each going to order a salad and split a prawn pizza. I told you, we were hungry. I had a pear, walnut, smoked chicken salad. Basically, a Waldorf salad with pears. My friend had a watermelon and feta cheese salad. And the other salad was chicken ceaser salad. To drink, we ordered a peach ice tea and a lime ginger ice tea. I have to say that the service was excellent. Attentive staff, and really quick with their service.

The satueed mushrooms arrived soon. I enjoyed it, although, I wish the garlic had been more finely chopped. We asked them to bring the salads and pizza together. The watermelon salad was the first to arrive, followed by my pear salad, and then the pizza and then the Ceaser salad. I really enjoyed my pear salad. I'm glad I asked them to smoke the chicken instead of grilling it. There was such a nice contrast between the smokiness of the chicken and the pears. My friend's watermelon salad looked delightful. I know there's a picture out there somewhere of it, but I don't know who has it right now. She said it tasted delicious.

The pizza was great. But, like all hungry folks, we had over ordered and couldn't finish it because we wanted room for dessert. My dessert was just spot on. I had the lemon pie that was absolutely delish. I've been looking for a good lemon pie, and I've tried it out at almost every place I've seen it, and it's either too lemony or doesn't really have the right base. This one was perfect. My friend ordered a baked cheesecake that was excellent. I have to say, I'm a big cheesecake fan, but I've stopped ordering them because I've always been disappointed with how they turn out. I will definitely try the cheesecake the next time I'm there. The third dessert was a tiramisu. I'm not really a tiramisu person. As desserts go, I think it's pretty insipid. I took a bite of it though, and it seemed good. For a Tiramisu.

We ended up spending around 800 INR each which I thought was good. We normally spend a 1000 INR when we go out to nice places.

So, there you have it. My restaurant review of Fat Chef. Definitely recommended, and can't wait to try it out again. Now to find a way to get to Whitefield again.

More epic realisations

2012-01-24T17:52:00.002+05:30

I was at pub two nights ago listening to this Mallu boy sound exactly like Bob Dylan, and I thought to myself, if someone asked you right now 'What is your idea of happiness?' would you have anything to say. And, an image popped into my head:

Me, sitting on a sofa or bed, in a very bright room overlooking the ocean, and a dog on either side of me.

That's it.

And, I tried to think of a man in that picture. Maybe he's just gone to the shower. Maybe he's just getting me some ice cream. But, if I had to be really honest with myself, there is no man there. Trust me. I looked really hard. I think this has to do with my realisation that I need boyfriends for all the wrong reasons. You know, like how I wanted one so that he could walk the dogs. It's also made me realise how absolutely incomplete my life is without a dog. Absolutely. It's like a part of my soul is missing.

That's bliss right there. Although, I'd be smiling more. And, have another dog, or 2 more. or 3 more. Oh, and be sitting in a room like this:

(Check out that bookshelf, huh?)

Anyway, the other realisation has to do with the multiple image issues that I've been facing regarding my weight. I went shopping on Saturday and spent a lot of time trying out clothes and looking at myself in trial room mirrors. Now, I know these trial room mirrors sometimes trick you and make you look smaller than you are. But, every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I kept thinking, I'm actually not that overweight. By the time, I reached the last mirror and the last dress, I was thinking, I actually look good.

I know it's not possible for me to have lost any weight because I only just started working out, so I'm pretty sure that all of this is just psychological. But, if you know me, you must know how huge this is for me! To actually admit that I like the way that I look? I've had moments where I've liked the way I've looked before. You know, when I do my hair really nice or wear a really nice outfit. But to be okay with the way I look just the way I am. That's a huge, huge step. And, I think it has to do with a lot of things that are happening in my life right now that's making me realise: I'm enough.

It's headed there...

2012-01-19T15:42:00.002+05:30

I've become that girl. That girl that says, "Oh, I can't come out tonight because I went out last night, and I'm really tired." I became a 40 year old without noticing. To top it all, I've given up drinking for weight loss, so, I must seem like a bigger party pooper.

The older I got, the more important sleep became to me, you know. Forget 6 hours of sleep. I need a minimum of 9 to 10 hours or else I can't function properly the next day. Actually, seeing it written out like this makes it seem like I might have a problem. Although, I have taken plenty of blood tests and seems like I'm doing okay. Physiologically that is. Psychologically...hmm, the verdict's still out on that one.

I had a discussion with a friend the other day about how frustrating the dating world is right now. Honestly, if I have to go out on one more date and get to know a person only to have him tell me that he's not really looking for anything serious right now, I'm going to shoot him in the foot. I'm not angry though. That shoot him in the foot bit was just for dramatic effect. More than frustration, I'm just tired. Just so tired. I feel like I've done so much to just put myself out there that I can't imagine doing anything more. If I'm single, it's not because of any lack of trying from my side. I would really like someone else to make the effort for a change.

(Sorry, no pictures on this post, folks.)

A realisation of epic proportions

2012-01-17T13:12:00.002+05:30

I've decided to stop using the word 'epiphany' on this blog. It's only because I've been going through these so called 'epiphanies,' and realised that they're nothing more than epic realisations. Realisations that I conveniently forget about when I have to.

This 'epic realisation' happened a few days ago. I decided to actually write about it because it's lasted all this while. I had fought with my sister over something really silly (we're still not talking, if anyone wants to know), and I was upset and angry and in the auto and though to myself 'Damn, I wish I had a boyfriend.' And, it just hit me. So hard. That I want a boyfriend for all the wrong reasons. At this point in time, for example, I wanted a boyfriend so I could complain. Is there a sillier reason to want to have a boyfriend? Because I really haven't heard it.

I know my friends have been telling me things like 'occupy yourself with things that you enjoy so you really won't notice the lack of companionship in your life.' I always listened to it. Always agreed. (But never really agreed if you know what I mean.) A boyfriend to me represented a chance to breakaway from this life right now and on to a more exciting life. And yes, a part of me kept thinking, you're 29 years old, you have no business thinking this way. You ought to know better. But, reasoning and logic can never compete with romance and passion.

At this point though, I'm still not sure whether my epic realisation has won over the romance. But, I'm turning 30 this year, and it's finally time to let go of the fairytales? Don't you think?

(That's me. In my head)

Happy New Year from Neil Gaiman

2012-01-11T17:56:00.001+05:30

Oh, and before I forget, here's Neil Gaiman's New Year wish from his blog:

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.

Of buzzwords and more.

2012-01-11T17:34:00.002+05:30

Right. I'm sorry about that last post. It was a pathetic attempt to just get a blog post up. It wasn't even heartfelt. Well, maybe part of it was. But, no picture? No accompanying video? What?! What kind of an entry was that?

I've realised that I don't have any recent photographs of myself. The last one was in March 2011. Almost a year ago. I'm not really sure what that is. Probably because I haven't liked the way I looked for the last six months. I don't update my Facebook profile picture for many many months because of that. I find one good picture and cling to it for many months. See, I think self-loving should be one of my buzzwords on 2012 and the rest of my life maybe. I have got to stop thinking of myself as fat, unattractive, unloveable, incompetent. All this self hatred is so exhausting. Imagine what else I could do with my time if I stopped thinking about how horrible I was. I could read more. Maybe join the choir again. Volunteer at a shelter. Go for driving classes. (Yeah, no. That's not going to happen. Just the driving class bit. I don't think I'm meant to drive. The fear cannot be so paralysing, can it? Anyway, the point is to love myself and not get pulled down with all the other negativity. I know I've talked about this before - getting rid of the negativity. But, it's something I need to keep reminding myself about.

Just a few days ago, I floundered in self pity for a while because a boy I liked didn't reciprocate. Oh, it's so good to wallow in self pity. I think that's why people like doing it. It just feels so good to sorry for yourself. Oh, I have to drink, I hate myself. Oh, I must eat some chocolate, I'm disgusting. Oh, no one's going to love me. Boohoo. Anyway, it's not like I'm saying it's stopping completely. But, it's on its way out. (Famous last words. I know)

I want cardio activities and diet to be one of my buzzwords as well. And, by diet I just mean eating right. It is just so essential for a healthy lifestyle, and I don't think people give it enough credit. I mean, you may be working your ass off in the gym, but aren't seeing any results. Look at your diet. I have no one to blame but myself for my unhealthy weight gain and fat percentage. The way I'm going about this is to not cut it out of my diet completely, but to withdraw slowly. That chocolate I would've normally had after dinner? Have it a few days later. I can't really tell how this is going to work out. I always proclaim that I'm optimistic about things, and then they really fall flat in my face. So, let's see. It's only the 2nd week of January. I have a good trainer, I am being more frequent to the gym, and my hair looks great.

Talking about withdrawal. I am facing major canine withdrawal symptoms. You know, I may grumble about walking them and cleaning up after them, but my life is so incomplete without them. What the hell do I do without them? I'm hoping to volunteer at an animal shelter after a couple of weeks of settling down. Oh wait, make that three to four weeks. I have major dental problems that can only be done during the weekend. So yeah, once my teeth are all secure, I will think about options for my weekend.

Here's a picture of my dogs so you can see why I'd be having withdrawal symptoms:

Apparently, they're really happy with my mum in Kerala. I could hear the smirk in my mum's voice when she told me that they were eating so well and cleaning out their plates. They weren't doing it when we were there.

2012 musings

2012-01-09T01:04:00.000+05:30

It's pathetic isn't it? 46 posts in 2011 when I was actually aiming for about a 100. My posts just completely stopped after October And, here I am. Just in time to do a cliched 2011 review. How do I make those accents on my keyboard? I'm really bothered that my 'e' in cliched doesn't have an accent!

2011 was a really eventful year for me. One of the most eventful years I've had in a while:

My best friend got married in February. I felt like party of the family, so it was the first wedding of the family, and I was thrilled. I had the best time ever.
I went through one of the worst phases of depression of my life. Although it started right after the wedding, it was not related to it at all, and it lasted all of 2 months. It was one of the debilitating moments of my life. I have never felt more alone, crushed, and worthless. It's something I would never wish on my worst enemy. And, I'm really glad that I decided to seek help for it.
As lame as this may sound, the Cricket World Cup helped me in getting out of this depression. In a way.
Visiting my best friend and her husband in Singapore in June was one of the best things I've done this year. I came back feeling refreshed, invigorated, and happier than I'd been in a long time. I'd like to credit the trip in giving me the courage to apply for the job I eventually got in August.
The job in August. Wow, what a life changing event. Not because of the work, but because of the fact that I was working, and getting paid! and meeting people! and everything else associated with a job.
My dogs came back in September, and my life was complete again. September, October, and November were as close to content as I would ever be. All because of the dogs. I think I under estimate how much a canine presence affects my life. (On a side note, my dogs are gone again, and I'm trying to be strong about it)
I went to Goa in November. It was a bit of a disappointment. I think the next time, I need to go by myself or with some good friends.
My sister got engaged in December. Woohoo! Finally, one of the three sisters. My future brother-in-law is a gem. She's very lucky. As is he actually.

I haven't made any resolutions for this. I have life goals that I hope to maintain for the rest of my life. You know, the usual, eat right, drink lots of water, cardio. I've also added one about being more social. Trying to go out more in the evenings. Fingers crossed for everything.

2011-10-03T16:03:00.001+05:30

I've been meaning to write about this Jonathan Safran Foer book I picked up in Singapore:
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

I have to say that it's the most wonderfully queer and heartbreaking book I've ever read. I haven't finished the book. I'm ashamed to admit that I received Tina Fey's Bossypants in between and read the whole book in a few days. Then, I bought 'Game of Thrones' and am a little captivated by that. I didn't expect to be, but I am. And, it's a seven-part series as well. Damn you, Fantasy series. It's like you can't do anything else till you've finished the entire series. I've already ordered five other books of the series. ( I love you, Flipkart!)

I recently read that they're making the Safran Foer book into a movie starring Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock. That's a very promising cast right there. Here's the trailer for the movie:

I'm sure I'm going to get back to the book. I think you need to be in a certain frame of mind to read this though.

Queen of Pain

2011-09-06T18:45:00.005+05:30

I was at the salon over the weekend, and I noticed this really pretty girl sitting across from me. She looked like she had everything going for her. She was tall, slim, fair and very pretty. But...she was getting her face shaved. Her face was lathered with shaving cream and a lady stood behind her with a razor and shaved her face.

It got me thinking about how we all have our hang ups. The fat ones, the pretty ones, the thin ones. This girl looked like she had everything going for her, but obviously her hair growth was so excessive, she could only shave. I got lucky that way. Inherited some good genes. The hair on my arms and legs is really fine, so you can barely see it. I hardly need to wax. A lot of women are envious of this. Just as I am envious of the thin, slim women who don't need to exercise to stay that way.

While we're on the topic of waxing, I have to say that this grooming business is just a bit too painful. Admittedly, waxing my hands and legs is less painful than other areas, but painful nonetheless. Last weekend, I went for an extreme hair removal session, so I know exactly how much everything hurts and how to compare them all.

Here it is then, my Pain o Meter.

On a scale of one to ten where one being the least and ten the most, here is my ranking:

Waxing of legs: 2

Waxing of arms: 4

Eyebrow threading: 6

Upper lip threading: 7

Bikini wax: 9

There you have it, ladies. Think wisely about the waxes if you're getting them for the first time. A friend of mine swears that the pain is worth it. I find myself leaning towards that more and more. Time will tell.

Here's a picture of me being hairless.

2011-08-31T12:53:00.001+05:30

I would like to be unapologetic about the fact that I'm always looking for love. It feels like such a taboo for a strong, independent woman to admit to the world that she's looking for love. We should be so focused on our careers and other intellectual pursuits that a man is the last thing we need.

You don't know how many people have told me: you should stop looking, and it will just come to you.

That is the most useless piece of advice I've ever heard. How do you just stop looking for it? Okay, so today, I'm not going to think about it for three hours. Tomorrow, I'll make it four.

A friend of mine told me that it actually means to fill your life with so many other things that make you happy that you don't really have time to think about love. I grudgingly admit that it makes sense. But, I think that nothing is going to make me as happy as falling in love. I'm sorry, but I haven't been in love for more than six years now. I haven't even been in a serious relationship for the same amount of time. It feels like so long ago; I don't even remember what it felt like. So forgive me for thinking that falling in love holds the key to my happiness.

I admit that distractions are nice. I like my new job. I love my dogs. I like my volunteer work. None of these distract from the fact that I'm single for the time being. I'm not being a cynic, you know. I'm not claiming that I'm never going to fall in love and that I'm going to die alone. I know that's not going to happen. But, in the meantime, while waiting for this wonderful guy to show up, I'm never going to stop looking for him.

2011-08-30T10:45:00.003+05:30

August is almost over and I've written just two posts. I could blame work, but I don't think that's it. I mean, I remember when I was in University and every time I just sat down to write a paper, I would write a blog post. I don't think I have anything to say. Actually, let me rephrase that...there's nothing I want to talk about. I seem to have run out of creative juices. Oh wait, that's not true. I remember I wanted to write a book review and then got lazy. Ah, laziness. My perfect fall back excuse.

I started working on August 1. For the first time in eight months. I sat in an office for the first time in three years. It has been a pretty monumental event in my life. I'm still learning on the job, so I don't have much to say on that front.

My mother's coming to live with my sister and me on Thursday. This is the first time we'll ever be living together. And, my dogs are coming on Friday. I am so excited about it. I can't wait for them to be back. Although, I'm sure the novelty will wear off in two weeks, and I'll just be grumbling about having to walk them all the time.

I watch 'Dog Whisperer' on Nat Geo pretty often though. I'm determined to be a better pet owner this time around. Practice exercise, discipline and affection. Be a pack leader and all that.

2011-08-17T14:39:00.001+05:30

Long walks in the dark
Through woods grown behind the park
I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me
God answered in silent reverie

My world stopped for a minute, and all I could do was listen to this song. I really want my world to start turning again.

2011-08-12T10:44:00.002+05:30

You know, I'm a little tired of people trying to find explanations for the reasons behind the riots in London.

"Oh, they were from economically backward sections of society" "they were tired of being second class citizens"

Are you seriously kidding me? Do you know how many poor people there are in India? You don't see them going around looting their neighbourhood stores, do you?

I can understand the rioting to a certain extent. Okay, yeah, you were tired of being in the backward class, you were protesting the death of a boy. But, the looting? And, the violence. That is just not acceptable. These people know the difference between right and wrong, and they took advantage of the fact that they could get some free stuff without anyone noticing.

Have you seen this video of the Malaysian student who was hurt, and the people who pretended to assist him, took all the stuff in his backpack. It's deplorable.

Most of these people weren't fighting or protesting anything. They wanted to take things without having to pay for them. And, no amount of explanation can justify the mindless violence that ensued in London.

It was wrong, and they knew it.

2011-07-19T21:12:00.001+05:30

I gesture with my hands a lot when I'm nervous. I went for an interview yesterday. My first in many many months. I'd have to say years actually. So, you can understand how I nervous I was. The only thing I noticed while talking was, Oh my God, why are my hands moving so much, and why haven't I cut my nails in so long? I need to learn how to talk in a formal setting without moving my hands so much.

I thought the interview went fairly well. Although, I haven't heard back from them yet, so I guess maybe they've decided not to take things forward. I'm okay with rejection as long as someone lets me know instead of leaving me hanging.

I started reading 'Cat's Cradle' before I left Singapore. It's a thin book with really short chapters. I should've finished it days ago. It means that I'm not reading as much as I should. That disappoints me. It truly does. You know, for someone who's unemployed, I don't seem to have much time for anything, let alone things that I love. Here's what I'm going to do. Fix a time table even if it's for really silly things, and stick to it. It's worth a shot. Also, I'm really excited about the book I'm going to read after 'Cat's Cradle.' It's Jonathan Safran Foer's book called 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.' I only saw the movie version of 'Everything is Illuminated', but I heard it's very close to the book.

Here's to timetables and some discipline.

Fitness Post

2011-07-13T18:25:00.003+05:30

I'm cross posting from here

It's my first in what I hope to be a series of posts about my fitness goals. Fingers crossed everyone. All other posts will obviously go on the appropriately named 'Fitness Chronicles.'

I know starting a fitness blog is not anything new. Especially one that was started in a fit of enthusiasm and now lies defunct. It's so cliched, I want to bury my head in the sand.

But, I'm hoping that this will help me in some way with my fitness goals and my attempt to lose weight. I'm willing to try everything. Right now, I'm pretty good with the exercising. It's the diet that keeps letting me down. I've been exercising pretty regularly from March. I've been in the 64 kg mark for a long time now. Even when I took a four month break and ate whatever I felt like. Then, I went home to Kerala for about three weeks, didn't watch what I ate and came back at 66. I was okay with that. Got even more serious about the exercising. When I started exercising in March, I was very half hearted about the cardio. I only came to the gym when I had a session with my trainer. In May, I thought okay, let me do more cardio and start working out a bit more. That's when the weight gain started. Two weeks into my work out, I was 68. This has never happened to me before. I've never gained weight while exercising. I may not have lost weight, but I've never gained. Cue the disillusionment, self pity, and the inevitable eating binge that goes with it all. It lasted for about a day, and I decided that weight loss isn't going magically start overnight. Also, exercising when you're 25 and when you're 29 is a huge difference. Your metabolic rate, for example, slows down considerably. Things that you could eat at 25 without worrying about putting any weight are your biggest enemy at 29.

The good thing is that I'm learning. Self discipline is the most important thing while you're exercising. Discipline to make sure you're exercising regularly. Discipline to make you're not eating the wrong kind of food. I lose a battle with discipline almost every day. I bought these really delicious chocolates from Singapore, and I've eating a few of them almost every day. Each day, I promise myself that this will be the last. Every day, I break that promise to myself. I'm hoping with this blog, I have an obligation to report my daily feedings, and I'd be awfully embarrassed to report I had ten kisses today.

Here's what I've been doing on the exercise front since I got back from Singapore. I landed late night on Thursday, July 7. I went to the gym on Friday. Did about 50 minutes of cardio. Most on the treadmill and cross trainer. I find that I can jog quite comfortably for 6 to 8 minutes at 7.2 km/hr. I've been having a bit of trouble jogging before I left. I'm pretty glad that my stamina seems to have improved. I went on Saturday again. Did another 45 minutes. Sunday was a break. Monday I went for yoga at 9:15. It was relatively doable. Did about half an hour of cardio after that. I did that fat burning thing on the treadmill where you sprint really fast for minute, walk for three minutes. It was pretty good. Tuesday, I went for a Body Balance class. Body Balance is supposed to be a combination of Tai Chi, Pilates and Yoga. You know, for a class that is mostly stretches and poses, it was tough. Did another half an hour of cardio after that.

Now, one of my favorite classes at the gym is the Bollywood Aerobics. It's a one hour cardio intensive workout, and I'd been looking forward to the doing an entire one hour of cardio. I'd gone for two classes before I left and couldn't complete the class. Took a ten minute break in between. I was looking forward to seeing if I could finish the entire hour with my slightly improved stamina. The class was at 8:00 a.m. which means that I have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. And, with the kind of weather Bangalore has been having, nobody likes to wake up early. I did get up on time though. But, found out that my right eye was swollen. Promptly went back to sleep and found myself tired for the rest of the day.

Now, my worry is that I'm not doing enough strength training. Cardio is well and good. But, without any weight training, weight loss is going to be very difficult. The gym offers a Body pump class that uses weights. The classes are all at difficult times, except for one at 8 a.m. on Tuesday and 3:45 p.m. on Sunday. If I miss these classes, (like I did with Tuesday's class) I'll have to do weights on my own. Something I'm not really looking forward. The gym is just full of trainers at all time, and I have a feeling they're just going to be judgmental. It's just something I have to get over.

Tomorrow, looks like there's a yoga class I can attend at 10:15, and I can probably do a full hour of cardio after that. Or maybe I'll do some weights and then a full hour of cardio. Possibilities, possibilities. The one thing I do know is that I'm not having anymore chocolates. If I have to throw them in the bin myself...I will.

Never Let Me Go

2011-07-04T08:53:00.002+05:30

I've been meaning to read 'Never Let Me Go' for the longest time. Ever since I saw it in a Borders in Melbourne. Books in Melbourne are expensive. I kept looking for it in a second hand book store, and never found it. Sometime last year, I saw the trailer for the movie and that made me want to read the book again. So this time, in the Borders in Singapore, I thought I'd go ahead and pick up the book.

The first 100 pages of the book was a little slow. After that, though, I read and finished the book like I was possessed. I even downloaded the movie and watched it soon after I read the book.

Now, everybody who reads a book and then watches it's subsequent movie recognises the disconnect. Especially when the book is really fresh in our minds. We're really upset about minor things that seemed important in the book and were not mentioned at all in the movie.

The really short version of the story is:
After Word War II, scientists start cloning human beings for their organs. These children are brought up in special centres and schools and are told from the beginning what the purpose of their life is. They keep donating vital organs till they finally die. Most of them before they turn 30. You only start donating after you've finished school. You can stay in a nice transition home for two years after school and meet people from different schools. You can also travel to different places close by. You start you career by being a carer to patients who have donated, and then you get a letter asking you for your first donation. The book follows the lives of three 'donor' children living in a privileged boarding school called Hailsham. It follows their lives as two of them donate and 'complete.' That's what they call someone who's died. This person completed.

When I was reading the book, I kept thinking of how they would explain certain scenes in the movie. I kept thinking of the screenplay all the time. To be fair, they didn't do such a bad job with the movie. I was just expecting a bit more. This movie really troubled me. Some questions were answered in the movie though.

For example, I kept thinking about why these people couldn't just run away. I mean, they're allowed to go out for three, four days. What's stopping them from just disappearing into the countryside? I mean, yeah sure, they don't have any paperwork or anything, but it shouldn't be all that difficult to disappear, right? The movie explained that by having them wear these id tags that recorded their movements. They had to sign out whenever they left their residence and sign in when they came in. Makes sense.

Another question that plagued me was how these kids got selected to go to Hailsham. Neither mediums explained this. Hailsham was seen as a privileged place, and the people who went there were supposed to be special. If all the clones were made in laboratories, how did these children get selected to go to Hailsham? What about the rest of them?

Why was Kathy a carer for so long? Almost 10 years. In the book, it didn't even mention that she got her letter for the first donation. The movie did though.

That's it. About three glaring questions that I had. The others were more philosophical and existential. Why didn't the clones ever protest? They seemed smart and creative and everything. Wasn't there something at the back of their minds just making them protest about the this whole process? Because it just seems so ridiculously unfair. I suppose that if they're told from the beginning of their lives that this is what they were made for and there's no other life for them, they've probably resigned themselves to their fate. But, something makes me think that there must've been a rebel, right? More than one, in fact. History and science fiction movies have shown us that when one group of people subjugates another, there is always a rebel alliance. It just bothered me that there wasn't. That this entire 'clone race' was content to sit with their lot.

I guess it was just a book and shouldn't be taken seriously. Yes, I will keep repeating this to myself when I'm troubled.

2011-06-30T08:06:00.001+05:30

I felt like June deserved one last post before the month ends. It's a cheat post, I know. Done only to bring up the numbers. But, I'll take it.

Sometimes, in my sleep, I think of the most wonderfully funny posts and think that I'll never forget them when I wake. But, I do. Also, in retrospect, maybe they weren't as funny as I thought. Have you ever thought that you're smarter and funnier in your dreams? Even with the little fragments that I do remember, I wake up thinking, wow, that was deep. I normally give myself credit because I know it's my subconscious, and some day or the other, the genius is going to bubble to the surface.

I've been in Singapore for a little over a week now. It's a wonderful country. A country that I could very much live in. (Barring the thin anorexic women that I see every day and just turn a blind eye to.) But, it's an option that I'm seriously considering. I need some change in my life, and Singapore might be it. Although, it seems like I might have gone ahead and jinxed this process already by announcing my plans to the world. But hey, for the three of you who do read my blog...shhh... mum's the word, okay?

2011-06-24T15:12:00.002+05:30

I was developing an unhealthy relationship with my body. Age caught up with me and slowed down my metabolism to a really drastic degree. Things that I could eat a year ago, without worrying about putting on any weight, are suddenly my biggest enemy. How can so much change within a year? To top it all, the last two months, I've been exercising five times a week. Tough, tiring workouts every single time. But, I only seem to put on weight. Food became my worst enemy. And, I abused myself mentally, every single day.

Oh my God, look at you. You look disgusting. No one's going to look at you again. You can't fit into any of your clothes.

Until today, I decided to stop abusing my body and to focus on losing one kilo at a time. It's an extremely achievable goal. Once that is done, move on to the next kilo. It is extremely surprising that I came to this epiphany in Singapore, the land of the small, petite women with their perpetual pre-teen bodies.

So, there you have it. One kilo at a time sounds much easier than five.

Who knew Singapore would make such a fuss about a tourist visa?

2011-06-10T13:14:00.000+05:30

So, here I was thinking that getting a Singapore visa would be relatively easy. I mean, I have been there twice before. Once on a business visa, and the other on a tourist. It seems like cakewalk because they are promoting tourism in India like crazy.

Here's the catch. There's no way for an individual to apply for a visa. You HAVE to go through a travel agency. An approved agency, but an agency nonetheless. I'm okay with that. I went to Thomas Cook. They seem reputable enough. And, their office is pretty close to my gym, so it was convenient. Now, on the website, they say it takes about two days to process the visa. But, the consulate is in Chennai and the by the time the agency couriers things to Chennai and gets it back, they say seven days. I was okay with the seven days because it gave me plenty of time before I traveled. Here's where the screw up happened. After seven days, the agency tells me that the consulate requires a No Objection letter from my mother. Me, the 29 year old woman who's been to at least fifteen countries on her own, requires a letter from my mother stating that she has no objection to me traveling to Singapore for a holiday. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard, but I gave them the letter. The next day, they come back saying they needed proof that it was her signature. I mean, obviously. That makes sense. It could be anybody's signature otherwise. But, I wish they'd told me this when they told me about the letter. I moved hell and earth and got them the signature proof. I call them today and they tell me that the consulate is processing my visa, and I will only hear back from them on Monday or Tuesday. Which really, is too late for me to even reapply in case they need another document. So, here I am. Stuck with non-refundable tickets, waiting on a visa that may never come, and short by 18 thousand rupees. All because I wanted to take a two week vacation to Singapore.

You know, the next time you come advertising visit Singapore, you better make sure you mention the fine print, like single women can't travel without their parent's permission.

2011-06-09T13:39:00.001+05:30

My laptop is the most personal thing I own. If my apartment caught on my fire and my dogs were already out of the building, I'd go back for my laptop. I would, really. I've been trying to think of some other object that could be as personal, but I can't. I think it's because I do everything here, and I rely on it so much. (I hope I'm not jinxing it, I don't have a backup of anything) That's why, it really bothers me when someone borrows it. I mean, I'm okay with a few minutes, and they really need to use the internet for something urgent. More than that, I get really jumpy. I keep checking up to see what they're doing, how they're holding it. I had a big fight with my sister because she used my laptop to watch movies and had it for a few hours at least. It's horrible, I know. But, I really really love my Mac, okay? Take my other stuff, but leave my Mac alone.

2011-06-06T13:44:00.000+05:30

These days, every time I step out of the house, I step into an auto. It's safe to say, I'm pretty well versed in three wheeler transport in the city. Lately though, I feel really guilty whenever there's a traffic jam and my auto driver has to wait with everyone else. I feel like I'm personally responsible for it, and I have to give him some extra money to compensate. I think it's because most auto drivers in Bangalore refuse to take you where you want to go. So, you feel really grateful to the ones who agree to take you somewhere on the regular meter fare. And, you really want their journey to go smoothly with good roads and no traffic.

Yes, even I know this stress is unnecessary. I just can't help it though.

2011-05-24T22:07:00.001+05:30

I started reading this collection of short stories called 'Stories' edited by Neil Gaiman and Al Sarrantonio again. I'd started it a while back, but somehow the stories couldn't really maintain my attention. A few books later, I decided to give it another try. The stories seem better now. I think I just needed to be in a different frame of mind.

There's this one story by Jeffery Deaver called 'The Therapist.' In it, there's a psychologist that believes there are these unknown entities called 'nemes'. They are:
a discrete body of intangible energy that evokes extreme emotional responses in humans, resulting in behavior that is most often detrimental to the host or to the society in which he or she lives.

Apparently, these nemes just roam around and latch on to a host that is emotionally vulnerable, or particularly weak.

Now, these 'nemes' are just made up by Deaver. (I looked them up, trust me). But, when I first read this, I thought, Oh my God. This is explanation to everything. I am inhabited by a neme. A violent, bitter, angry, selfish neme at that. It's just got to be the reason why I'm so bloody angry all the time. Angry at everyone, and everything! Just everything. And, I'm trying to figure out what I can do to make it better. In the story, nemes disappear when the hosts die. That is, obviously, not an option for me. Maybe, I'm just bored. It's the explanation I give for binge eating. I binge eat every day now. It's not just an occasional thing. I eat till I want to throw up. I haven't felt a twinge of hunger in weeks. Weeks and weeks. Then, I wonder why I'm putting on weight.

Argh. Stupid neme. Will you just leave already.

2011-05-18T22:10:00.001+05:30

The electricity went off last night. At three in the morning actually. I only noticed because I was awake for some other reason. And, you know what? I went back to sleep. Yeah, it didn't bother me in the slightest. We're talking about the peak of Indian summer here, and Bangalore was actually cool without a fan. Really, I wish I could carry Bangalore's weather with me everywhere I went. A few weeks ago, when I was in Kerala, and the electricity had gone off for an hour at night, it was the worst one hour of the year. I wanted to peel off my skin and lie there. I still don't think I would've felt cooler. It was really that hot and humid there.

In other news, I deactivated my Facebook account. Again, I know. The last one was a very lame attempt that lasted two days. I'm hoping this one will last a bit longer. I deactivated my account because I got really really tired of seeing couples all over the place. They're either getting married, or they're posing for pictures looking all happy. God, I really want to kill myself when I see that. This is not just an expression. I really want to take a gun, put in my mouth and pull the goddamn trigger. It really bothers me. I know I'm being a complete killjoy, and I'm sure when I fall in love, I will take back these words. In fact, I will be the one plastering my Facebook wall with pictures and updates. But until then, just seeing couples, whether they're happy or not, just makes me feel like shit. So, I'd rather not have it shoved in my face and and get off Facebook entirely.

Yes, this is a temporary solution and isn't really tackling my issue. But, I'll deal with it when I have to.

2011-05-16T14:32:00.001+05:30

I started out having a really bad morning. I was late to get up, I was really tired. When I looked for my iPod in my gym bag, I realised it was missing. I had to wait some ten minutes to get an auto, and the auto I got finally smelled of urine and was moving so slowly. Also, I was really irritated with my trainer and just didn't want to go the gym today.

But then, just like that, the day changed. My gym had found my iPod in the ladies locker room. My trainer wasn't so irritating, and I feel rejuvenated. You really control your bad days. Minor irritants can totally eclipse your day when you should dismiss them.

Wow, I love that I'm learning things.

2011-05-15T14:55:00.002+05:30

'Sometimes' has become my favorite word. Especially when I write. It's easier for me to say 'sometimes' rather than ' I think about my sad life all the time' or 'I think about my weight gain all the time.' It's just depressing to say all the time. It might be true in some cases, but it's depressing.

I read some books that make me want to write. That make me believe that I can be a better writer. Amitav Ghosh is one of those writers. As is Neil Gaiman. Gaiman actually just makes me fall in love with words. He's a master at putting them together. I should really read more. It makes me so happy.

2011-05-11T22:19:00.000+05:30

I read a lot when I was in Kerala. I think it's because my mother had a dedicated six-hour time slot where she had to watch TV or else her world would come crashing down. So, I finally finished reading Murakami's 'Underground,' a book I'd been struggling with in Bangalore. ( I liked the first part of his book--his interviews with victims of the gas tragedy. His Aum interviews slowed the book down for me tremendously.)

Finished the epic 900-page 'Sacred Games.' (I'm sorry, it was a complete Bollywood film. The only chapter I liked was the one of the protagonist's mother as a little girl in Punjab. It came early on in the book, and I read the rest hoping to find more chapters like this, but I didn't. A bit of a disappointment.)

Next was 'Diving Bell and the Butterfly.' I have to say that I saw the movie first, and I completely loved it. Loved it. When I was reading the book, I could only visualise the movie. They obviously remained very true to the book, and this is one of the few times, I've enjoyed the movie more than the book.

The last book I read before coming back to Bangalore was 'Above Average' by Amitabh Bagchi. I've read the book before, so I finished it again in about 4 hours. It's not a very memorable book at all which is probably why I didn't remember the story. But, it's an enjoyable read, and I quite liked his writing style.

I'm back in Bangalore now and rereading 'Hungry Tide.' Amitav Ghosh is my favorite Indian author. 'Calcutta Chromosome' will always remain one of my favorite books ever. I don't remember anything from 'Hungry Tide,' except that it was based in the Sunderbans. A friend of mine went to the Sunderbans recently and kept talking about the book, and I felt bad that I couldn't remember anything, so I decided to read it again. Just a few chapters in. Now that I've returned to Bangalore, my book reading is going to be extremely slow. I'm determined not to let that happen, but, let's see how it goes.

2011-05-08T23:52:00.000+05:30

I make a big deal about my interactions with men. Limited interactions though they may be, I make them to be much bigger than they are. A guy who seems vaguely interesting, shows a polite interest in me, and I have already planned the wedding, the house we're going to live in and the car we'll drive. Is it just me? Or are there other women who think like this?

You know, ever since I turned 29, I have this constant refrain in my head "I can't believe I'm 29," "I can't believe I'm 29." I think I thought my life would be sorted out by this time. I read these stories where women who are 30 or 32 are running companies and happily married with 2 children. All I can think is "they can't be just 30, what the hell am I doing with my life?" A big part of me thinks that if I found someone, just anyone, then that part of my life would be settled, and I wouldn't worry so much about the other parts. For some reason, I think it's easier to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, than to find a career I actually enjoy. I'm afraid of rejection from both these options. But, while I'm willing to take a chance with the men in my life, I am not even attempting to try for a career I may be interested in. Somehow, that rejection would sting more.

Anyway, I know this is some mid life crisis. I'm sure there are parts of my life that will get settled in a couple of months. Here's to that.

Happy Birthday to me

2011-04-15T00:55:00.002+05:30

I have to say that I have no problems with getting older. I'm not in the 'women are like wine, we get better with age' brigade. But, I honestly do not mind what ageing will do to my skin and body. A few years from now, I'll probably take back those words. But, for now, no.

I'm a little bit more worried about the fact that as a twenty nine year old woman, I am jobless, loveless, penniless, childless, and, it would seem, luckless. Somehow, when I was younger, I didn't picture my 29 year old self being so full of 'less.' My younger self would never have imagined this scenario even if you'd paid her. While I am coming to terms with disappointing my younger self, I'm hoping that this is the year that I get to cross off everything 'less.' This is the year that I find a job I enjoy, this is the year I meet the man I will fall in love with. This is the year that I make enough money to travel to my friend's wedding in Mexico.

I'm kind of okay with the childless and luckless part of the list. They don't seem to hold my interest as much.

Here's hoping that this is the year wishful thinking comes true.

2011-04-14T00:55:00.000+05:30

Two days from now, nine years ago, my father died. In a small hospital, in an even smaller town in Kerala. His lungs failed and he gasped for breath while my mother and sister stood watching. Nurses and doctors didn't know what to do with him and just kept pumping oxygen into his body. When it looked like he wasn't responding, they looked at my mother and asked if they could stop with the pumping. And, she nodded yes.

I've imagined this scene in many different ways with many different outcomes. Childish fantasy. There are times when I think my father's death hasn't affected me as much. And, then there are times when I think it's affected in such a profound way that I haven't realised it yet.

However I feel about his death though, this post is for him. For the man who gave me a second name that I will carry till I die. For passing on his love for dogs. For giving me my first dog when I was two. For giving me the best education that any girl could ask for. For loving me even though he wanted me to be a boy.

Thank you, Abu. I miss you in more ways than I could possibly realise.

2011-04-13T14:36:00.000+05:30

I hate my birthday. I hate it with a passion. Because as much as I'm trying not to get into a self pity mode these days, my birthday just brings it along every year. I hate having to celebrate it because then it just means I need to invite people. And then I feel bad that I don't have enough friends who want to celebrate my birthday with me. It's horrible, horrible. The only reason I decided to celebrate my birthday this year was because some of my close friends got married this year. And, I feel like a birthday is the closest way to feel like a bride. You know, that one day when everybody gives you attention. Because, if I have to wait for a wedding to feel special, then that day will never come. Might as well make use of a birthday. But, I'm feeling horrible. I don't want to celebrate it. I hate it. I fucking hate it.

2011-04-09T18:50:00.004+05:30

Anita hugged herself and leaned against the window. She was glad to have made the last train home. She would've spent quite a bit of money taking a cab, otherwise. And, these days, when you're living in a single bedroom apartment in Bandra, every rupee you save makes a huge difference.

She put her headphones into her ears and settled down to listen to some music. It had been almost three months since she had taken this train home, and she remembered it being a little more crowded. There were just four other people in the compartment besides her. Two government-types older men who were farthest away from her and were talking together in low voices; a young, yuppie looking boy who she normally saw in her morning train was standing by the entrance, and a creepy middle aged man who was in the seat across from her and kept staring at her. She closed her eyes to avoid his stare and tried to reassure herself that he was harmless.

"There are tons of women who take the train at this time, Anita," she reminded herself, "maybe, they aren't here today, but they normally are."

Besides, Bandra was just another five stops away. And, that yuppie type and her used to smile at each other once in a while when they took the same train in the mornings. She had always thought he was cute but had never worked up the courage to talk to him before. Today, opportunity presented itself. She lived five minutes away from the station, she'd ask him to walk her home. It really isn't too out of the way.

Creepy middle-aged moved to the window just opposite her and smiled.
"Hello madam, your good name?"

Anita cleared her throat, got up and walked over to yuppie.

"Hi, I'm Anita. That man over there is giving me the creeps. Do you mind if I stand next to you?"

Yuppie took out his headphones and looked at her quizzically and saw her gesturing at creepy man.
"Oh, is that guy bothering you? Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No, no," said Anita "I thought I could just stay here and pretend that I'm with you. If that’s ok with you,” she added.
Yuppie smiled. Anita swooned in her head.
“That’s totally fine. I’m Naveen,” he said and extended his hand.
“Anita,” she smiled in return and shook his hand.
“I’ve seen you board the train from Bandra a few times in the morning,” Naveen said while wrapping his iPod headphones around the iPod and putting it in his bag. “Do you live close to the station?”
“Really close. Less than five minutes away,” answered Anita.
“Well, in that case, I don’t mind walking you to your place as well,” Naveen nodded towards creepy. “If it will make you more comfortable.”
“That’s really sweet of you,” Anita grinned, “in fact, I was just about to suggest it.”
Naveen laughed and Anita joined in. The remaining five stops rushed by. She was barely aware of the two older men getting off in Khar. She wished they both lived further away, the conversation with Naveen was just getting interesting.
“I can’t believe you prefer the American version of ‘The Office’ over the British one. It’s the original!” Anita said stepping out the train when it pulled into Bandra.
She looked into the compartment when she walked by. Creepy was still staring at her intently. “Weirdo,” she muttered, “I can’t believe he gets his rocks off just looking at women in night trains.”

“Steve Carrell. That’s all I’m going to say,” Naveen was saying next to her.
“Oh, come on,” argued Anita “the original version is always better.”
“Well, not always,’ countered Naveen.
They continued their discussion while Anita directed Naveen to her place. Finally, they reached her apartment building.
“Oh, what is this? No security also?” Naveen asked.
“He must be sleeping somewhere. Or gone for a break,” said Anita looking around. “You know, I hardly see him around even during the day, he doesn’t do a very good job of guarding the place.”
“What about the other people in the building? Don’t they complain about this?” Naveen asked again. She was touched by his concern.
“Actually, only some five of these twelve flats are occupied right now. The rest belong to these NRI types who are never here. I’ve hardly ever seen the other tenants though. It’s pretty quiet,” said Anita.
“That sounds nice,” said Naveen. “I’m jealous.”
They stood in silence by the gate for some time.
“Well, I suppose this is it,” Naveen said reluctantly.
“You know,” started Anita, “I think it’s a shame that you’ve made judgements on the British ‘Office’ without actually watching a full episode. I have the DVD with me upstairs.”
“I suppose it is a shame,” agreed Naveen “I don’t really have to get up early tomorrow, I don’t mind coming up to watch a couple of episodes.”
“If it’s ok with you,” he added quickly.
“I was about to suggest the same thing,” smiled Anita “it’s not a problem at all. Come on up.”
For some reason, Anita didn’t feel scared at all. She trusted this guy. She felt like she knew him after the amazing conversation that flowed between them. I can’t believe I’m inviting a total stranger up to my place at 1 in the morning. Mum is going to be so upset when she finds out.
They walked two flights of stairs till they reached her apartment. She opened the door quickly and switched on the lights.
“Welcome to my place,” she announced grandly.
“Wow,” said Naveen looking around “This is really nice.”
“Can I get you something to drink?” asked Anita.
“Maybe some juice if you have some,” replied Naveen.
“Great, just make yourself at home. I’ll get some juice and we can start watching the DVD,” said Anita walking towards the kitchen.
She removed the juice from the fridge and was looking for the glasses when the lights went off.
“Oh no,” she yelled “Bad timing…”
Suddenly, she felt a hand around her mouth cutting off what she was about to say. She felt something sharp against her throat and could feel his breath against her neck. Strangely, all she could think of before she passed out was "Why do all the cute guys have to be psycho?"

2011-04-09T18:50:00.001+05:30

A friend convinced me to start writing yesterday. Writing a book. Because I told him that's what I'd be doing if I had all the money in the world and could do anything. So, he convinced me to give it a go. At least, until a job application works out, I can fill the pages of my novel. As a first step to take my writing seriously, I'm going to post this short story I wrote more than six months ago. I wrote it with the intention of posting it on the blog. But, when I read it over again, I got really embarrassed by my writing. It seemed juvenile and awkward and so clunky. But hey, I think I can only get better from here. And, I need to keep practising and editing. Also, if I can't show my short story to the three people who do read this blog, I'll never have the courage to do anything else. This is my blog. No fear.

2011-04-02T12:40:00.002+05:30

I'm not going to withhold it because I think a guy will like me more. Sleeping with someone early doesn't make me any less cool, intelligent or likeable - and to suggest that I'm doing something wrong because I don't try to play down the fact that I'm a sexual person is nothing short of offensive.

This is a paragraph from the new blog post in this blog. You should read the entire post because it does say a lot of the things I feel as well.

I'm highlighting this paragraph because this is something I've been meaning to say to a couple of people for some time now. Obviously, I have friends who love me and support me in everything I do. But, on occasion, a couple of them have been slightly judgmental. Without meaning to be, of course. Nonetheless, it's affected me tremendously and made me extremely confused about my relationships with me.

I've always felt that when you're attracted to someone, there's nothing wrong with expressing yourself physically. Whether it's on your first date, fifth date, or your fifteenth. Obviously, you might think you've done something wrong when you like the guy and he doesn't call you back, ever. But seriously, do you want to be with someone who does that? Yeah, it hurts and you can't stop analysing everything that happened and keep blaming yourself. Eventually, you get over it though. And, I just chalk it up to life experiences. Because, I'd rather be taking chances and wearing my heart on my sleeve than sit at home and lament about my lack of a love life. At the end of the day, I just need to meet that one guy who is as into me as I am into him, and who can't wait to call me back the next day. Relationships are tricky, and I think you need to take chances and be as much of yourself as you can be. I'd rather be with someone who is open and honest enough to admit that he likes me than someone who is more than 30 years old and playing games. Grow up, dude. Really.

So, I'm going to continue being myself and wait for that phone call.

2011-03-28T01:22:00.001+05:30

A friend of mine once told me about how she knew the real 'Sixth Sense' kid. He wasn't so much a kid as he was her friend in college. However, this guy really did see dead people. He didn't have conversations with them. But, he saw them and accepted them as part of his life.

She told me an instance of how she was sitting in the back seat of a car he was driving one day. He turned to look behind when he was reversing and looked at her and then looked at the seat next to her where no one was sitting. All she said was "I don't want to know."

You know, this story has stuck with me as the most vivid supernatural story I've ever heard because for some reason, I can picture it so clearly. And, I've imagined so many different kinds of people he saw sitting next to her that day. Yes, I've frightened myself and will probably not sleep tonight.

30 Rock marathon again.

2011-03-27T14:49:00.000+05:30

An Old Man Awake In His Own Death
by Mark Strand

This is the place that was promised
when I went to sleep,
taken from me when I woke.

This is the place unknown to anyone,
where names of ships and stars
drift out of reach.

The mountains are not mountains any more;
the sun is not the sun.
One tends to forget how it was;

I see myself, I see
the shore of darkness on my brow.
Once I was whole, once I was young...

As if it mattered now
and you could hear me
and the weather of this place would ever cease.

I found this in Murakami's 'Underground.' I should read more poems.

2011-03-25T11:37:00.002+05:30

Oh God. I really can't wait to forget you. I'm embarrassed that I even had a thing for you. Really. So embarrassed.

2011-03-21T23:49:00.001+05:30

Like earthquakes, tsunamis, and other natural calamities, the experience of Hiroshima should be etched into human memory: it was even more dramatic a catastrophe than those natural disasters precisely because it was man-made. To repeat the error by exhibiting, through the construction of nuclear reactors, the same disrespect for human life is the worst possible betrayal of the memory of Hiroshima’s victims.

Novelist Kenzaburo Oe writes in the New Yorker.

2011-03-19T17:54:00.002+05:30

I have let myself go. Into the darkest recesses of my mind. A thin veil held me from there before. The veil's torn now. I don't know if it will ever be repaired. I enjoy this darkness. I wallow in it. Somedays, I want to see the light, but I let myself be pulled back so easily. I think I'm going to die in here. Isolated and unloved.

2011-03-17T19:10:00.001+05:30

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

That you control that completely.

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living.

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around.

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

(I found this here. I was too lazy to bookmark and thought I'd keep it in my blog instead.)

2011-03-16T20:41:00.002+05:30

Somedays, I look at myself in the mirror and catch a glimpse of what I'm supposed to see.

Murakami Reading challenge

2011-03-15T21:37:00.003+05:30

I'm not much of a non-fiction book reader. I really am not. I don't like reading biographies, self help books, those boring management books. None of them. In fact, my favorite genre is fantasy. As far away from non fiction as you can get.

You can say that I was apprehensive when I picked out 'Underground' by Haruki Murakami. But, it's Murakami after all. I have to read all his books. I normally don't write my name or the date that I bought the book on most of my books. But, I had for this one. October 09 apparently. So, it's taken me a while to finally read the book.

The book is about the Tokyo Gas tragedy that happened in the subway in the nineties. I haven't actually read up about the tragedy. What I can make out from the book so far is that members of some cult called 'Aum' planned and carried out the attacks simultaneously on different trains. I still don't know the purpose, but all claim to have been brainwashed by their leader. Also, none of them were even hurt in the process.

Murakami tries to uncover the story by interviewing the people who were involved in the attack, were at the subway on that day, were in the station. Anyone was affected at all. It's turning out to be an extremely read, and I'm surprised because I didn't think that non fiction would captivate me like this. I guess, sometimes, reality is better than fiction. I can't wait to finish the rest of the book.

Today's Beautiful Secret: It's hard to think of beautiful secrets when you're not in the best of moods, but here goes: I love how red nail polish looks on my toe nails.

Come and knock on my door...

2011-02-25T11:41:00.000+05:30

When I was younger, all I wanted to live in was an apartment. You must understand I had spent most of my holidays in Kerala. And, in Kerala, everyone has a house with a big front yard and back yard. It's extremely common. So, an apartment was a novelty concept for me. When we bought our first apartment in Cochin, I was so excited and made my parents promise that they would leave it behind to me in their will.

I no longer want it. It's cramped and claustrophobic. Having lived most of my adult life in apartments, it's safe to say the novelty has worn off. While I still like most of the spaces I lived in, what bothered me most was my neighbours. For some reason, I got stuck with shitty neighbours wherever I went. When I was renting, I had nosy neighbours who would complain to the landlord about the people visiting me. When I owned, I had annoying neighbours who complained about people visiting me. (While doing nothing about their annoying kids who broke my windows three times and keyed my car). Neighbours are a pain in the ass. Now, all I want is a house with a yard where my dog and I can live peacefully. Without annoying neighbours.

Today's Beautiful Secret: I have fabulous legs. I love how they look in shorts and dresses and in high heels.

To Wish Upon a Star

2011-02-24T18:00:00.001+05:30

Everyday I think, today is going to be different. Today, I will actually do something. I'll go to the gym, I'll apply for jobs. Maybe I'll just go out to feed the stray dogs, just something apart from sitting in at home.

Unfortunately, today was no different. Today was the same as any other day from the last two weeks. I've wallowed enough in my inertia. I'm not going to get sucked into this mess. I'm the only one who can pull myself out of it though. I've taken small steps that will add up to a wake up. And, it's coming soon. Once a procrastinator, always one. Obviously, it doesn't just apply to school assignments. It applies to everything else.

In other news, I finished watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy again. Those movies really move me. I mean really. They're my favoritest thing in the whole world. Okay, maybe that's a bit extreme. I love my dogs more. I'm an idiot. I was in the same city that they shot most of the film. I could have easily gone to the same tattoo artist that they had gone to get their tattoo. But, I didn't. I got a Maori tattoo instead. From a completely different artist. I still harbour the hope of going back to New Zealand and getting my Lord of the Rings elvish tattoo. Maybe I will, someday.

I was horrified to hear about the earthquake in Christchurch. Such a beautiful city. Such a beautiful country. I hope they're left alone for now.

P.S. I understand the last two posts didn't have any secrets, but one was a dedication and the other was a rant. I hope this makes up for it.

Today's Beautiful Secret: I love living my sister. I cannot tell you how badly I've treated her these past few months while I've been trying to get over my own shit. I've been rude, uncommunicative, moody, belligerent, and just downright nasty. She has put up with it all with the patience of an angel. It makes me doubt that we have the same blood because I would've given up on her months ago.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

2011-02-22T12:41:00.000+05:30

I'm sorry, I'm reading this story, and I find it so hard to believe that this is happening in India. I'm outraged and frustrated and have no idea what to do. I don't watch the news, and I hardly ever read the newspaper. Most of my general knowledge awareness comes from the tweets on my timeline. I knew the situation in Jammu and Kashmir was bleak, but this is beyond anything I ever expected.

This is disgusting coming from the world's largest democracy. I have tolerated a lot of horrible things that India has done before: the corruption, the pollution, the traffic, the bad infrastructure, poor healthcare, abuse of animals; but this can never be tolerated. I've never thought much about my country or my nationality before, but I am truly ashamed.

You know, I really appreciate what you did with Jessica Lal, media. I'm glad her killer got some justice. But, could you please help out with the situation in J&K? Can you go on that blitzkrieg you did with her case and please just do something? Can somebody please do something? This is a travesty of justice, a complete disregard of people's human rights. We have no right to complain about any other's country's violation of human rights till we can sort this situation out. I don't care if the state goes to Pakistan or wants to be independent. At this point, it is the Indian army or the Indian police who are doing this to the people of the valley, and they need to stop. Give people back their rights, treat them in a humane manner, and for God's sake, just listen to what they have to say.

My Wedding Present to The Thing:

2011-02-11T23:39:00.002+05:30

Dear The Thing,
(I know, this is a lame wedding present, and it doesn't even include your husband, but till I'm employed and earning some big bucks, bear with me, okay?)

You know, every time I come back from Delhi, it's like I've left a little part of me behind. I don't know what it is, but for the next two days after I return, I walk around like a part of me is missing. I'm restless, and I keep looking for something to make my life different. After a couple of days, I fall into my old routine in Bangalore and things more or less go back to normal.

Returning from your wedding week was no different. I kept thinking that I wouldn't feel any different watching you get married. I mean, after all, I've visited you guys a couple of times, you've been living as a married couple for almost three years, what could possibly change? I don't know whether the two of you changed. Maybe not actually. I certainly did though. When I looked at you getting into that car --even though I knew I was going to see you again the next day-- I just knew that things weren't going to be the same. Once you're married, everybody's life just changes. I know that as much as people try to resist it, it happens. I mean, you're moving countries, you've got to deal with in-laws, there's the whole money situation, some day the kids will come into it...try as you might, your single friends won't be anywhere near the picture.

Well, this letter is just to tell you that I understand and I expect it. You know, we've never had the kind of friendship where we have to call each other every day, and we have to find out every small detail that's happening in each other's lives, but you are one of the closest things to home that I know. When I'm with you, I feel like I can be myself, no excuses, no judgements. And, it's a testament to you that I feel the same way around the people close to you...your parents, your sister, your husband. Maybe because they've sensed your vibe, they just let me be as well. So, in spite of you being married, and moving to another country, and even though we may not be in touch as much as we used to, I want you to know that I am blessed to know you, I am blessed to be a part of your family, and you will ALWAYS be home to me.

Dear Rapunzel, I need some help.

2011-02-01T00:20:00.001+05:30

I've moaned about the slow growth rate of my hair to anyone who will listen. It's been a little more than two years, and my hair has barely reached my shoulders.
I KNOW, RIGHT? I'm sure it's not just me who thinks that abnormally slow. All the chemicals I've dumped on it has finally stunted its growth.

To be honest though, this is the longest my hair has ever been. You know those bangs that used to cover your eyes annoyingly? Well, to my immense joy, mine have now reached my jawline. Which means ,though, that sometimes they can get into your mouth when you're trying to eat. You know...embarrassingly...when the cute guy in the next table is watching you eat, and you're trying to be all dainty-like and cut small portions of meat and eat with your mouth closed? Yeah, that's when a huge tuft of hair choses to go into your mouth as well. And, you know cute guy has noticed, so you can't just nonchalantly ignore tuft of hair. So, you pull back all your hair in a 'Dimple Kapadia in Sagar' kind of way, hoping that cute guy will get mesmerized by your amazing locks.

Well, apparently not. He's looked away and found some other girl to make eye contact with. Pssht. At least, there's no hair in my mouth.

Today's Beautiful Secret: Long hot showers during winter. Sigh.

I really shouldn't be saying this...

2011-01-27T22:36:00.002+05:30

I have an extremely secret guilty pleasure. Well, it's not going to be secret anymore because I'm blogging about it, but, here goes: I watch this show called 'The Bachelorette' on TV. I used to watch 'The Bachelor' before it. Yeah, you can laugh. It's an extremely vapid, shallow, and vain reality dating show. And, I'm kind of hooked. The episodes they're airing on TV are also from the 2007 or 2008 season, so I already know the results. Doesn't matter. I still keep watching. They all just want to be TV, it's so ridiculous. I don't think any of them think for a second that these relationships are going to last once the show is over. Anyway, I wanted to talk about how all them mention that they're looking for the man of their dreams and how the Bachelor or Bachelorette is the person of their dreams. And, repeat that phrase constantly.

Apart from bemoaning my extremely questionable TV viewing habits, I'm also wondering about this whole 'man of my dreams' scenario. I don't think I've ever met someone and thought about them as the 'man of my dreams.' I think it's because I don't have a picture of the kind of person I want to end up with. I mean, I know the qualities I don't want in a man. That list keeps growing every day. But, I can't give you a definitive answer about the qualities that I want in a man. So this, I've met the man of my dreams just feels really hollow to me. Unless, of course you're talking about: a) Johnny Depp b) Leonardo DiCaprio c) Rahul Khanna and d) Samit Basu. If I were to marry one of these people, then I can say quite truthfully that I've married the man of my dreams because I have dreamt about all of them. Quite wonderful dreams, in fact.
Sheesh. There are no musicians on this list.That's quite sad. I can only think of Chris Martin and Rob Thomas, but they're both already married. Hey, as long as Johnny Depp doesn't marry Vanessa Paradis, I have a shot, okay? Just saying.

Today's Beautiful Secret: I love that I can go for movies by myself

Just a little shut eye

2011-01-22T13:41:00.000+05:30

There aren't many weddings I would travel for. In fact, I can count on two hands, the number of people whose wedding I would travel for. By some strange luck, three of those people happened to have weddings within forty five days of each other. I've attended two. The third and the most special is yet to come. The wedding themselves were really beautiful. Even the experience of being at the wedding, meeting people, the few days before and after, all really really wonderful.

What bums me out these days is the physical act of traveling. You know, the actual getting into a train or bus and sitting there for twelve hours or more. You'd think flights are easier but with city airports being so far out these days, you'd have to leave at least three hours before your flight to make it on time. And, if it's a morning flight, it means you have to wake up at an ungodly hour just to take a shower and get ready.Then, there the actual flight. If all this hasn't tired you out, there's the ride from the airport to the house of your destination. Whew, it sounds tiring just thinking about. I don't know if this has to do with age, or if there's something wrong with me, but I can't stop thinking about how tired I am. Like all the time. In fact, every time I'm tired, I keep thinking, Oh my God, I'm so tired, I wish I could sleep right now. There has to be something wrong with me, right?

Tiredness or no, I'm really happy I attended those weddings. There's something so nice in being part of that special occasion. It really really warms me up and makes me feel like I belong.

Today's Beautiful Secret: I love the way my dogs smell when I kiss them.

Let's think of something beautiful

2011-01-17T12:13:00.002+05:30

I love this video and the whole idea. To think about a beautiful secret every day. I like it. I know I don't blog every day, but I'm going to post a beautiful secret every time I blog.

Today's Beautiful Secret: I love the way my hair looks after I wash it.

Ca va?

2011-01-13T10:36:00.001+05:30

I saw Julie and Julia for the second time last night. It made me want to eat French food so badly. Or just anything with copious amounts of butter. I looked up French restaurants in Bangalore. I even looked up cooking classes to see if anybody would be teaching French cuisine. Turns out, there are two 'semi' French restaurants in Bangalore. Both are in Indira nagar. One is Medici and the other is French Quarter Bistro. I've been to French Quarter Bistro, but I wasn't really having a French yearning at that point and didn't really pay attention to the food. I must try out both restaurants soon. Oh, and there isn't anyone who teaches French cuisine.

One Day At a Time

2011-01-06T12:23:00.000+05:30

It's been six days into the new year, and I haven't done anything productive to speak of. I haven't even made those year end lists that I normally make. You know, those, OMG, 2010 was so brilliant type of list.
I think it's because 2010 was completely unremarkable. Everything of note just passed by in a haze. Even my trip to Cambodia was unremarkable. I didn't do the things that I wanted to do, and I really wasn't in the right frame of mind to undertake the trip.
So, now, instead of focusing on the past, this post is dedicated to the present and what I hope to achieve out of this year.

It's strange that the end of the year should signal a change and whole list of resolutions. I mean, why can't we do this sometime in the middle of the year? Why is everything so neatly packaged as a new year, new beginnings? Whatever the reasons, I too have fallen for this package. I think it's because I was looking for a sign and a year end seems as good as any. Anyway, these are the goals that I want to achieve this year. Not just this year actually, it's something I hope to continue for the rest of my life.

1) Remove negativity from my life.
This is something that I thought about earlier as well. But, I was very half hearted in my attempt. The reason I didn't write to think positive all the time is I know it's going to be difficult for me to be positive all the time. But, I can start by removing negativity and just stop thinking negative thoughts. Whether it's about body image, the way I look, self pity, my job, even self deprecating humor is not going to be allowed. Every time I head down that direction, I'm going to distract myself with something else. This also involves not listening to other people with negativity. I'll either call them out on it or I'll ignore it and distract myself with other things. But, I've allowed myself to wallow in this pit for too long, and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm an attractive, intelligent woman irrespective of my size or whether I have a boyfriend or a job. Nothing will take away from the fact that I am lucky: I have a wonderful family, and certain amount of financial independence, the freedom to do what I want, and a really good set of friends. I need to be grateful for the things that I have right now and not worry about anything else. They will come to me when the time is right.

2) Exercise and eat right.
I know that this sounds like a cliched New Year resolution, but exercising and fitness have to remain a part of my life forever. There is just no way around this and no shortcuts. How much ever I hate it, I have to make it a part of my routine wherever I go. Eating right is going to be a lot more difficult, but it is something I have to incorporate into my diet. I just have to be strong and not give in to temptation. It's so easy for me to eat a chocolate when I'm feeling hungry. I just need to distract myself and eat a fruit or some nuts. Or, just have a proper meal, woman!

3) Stop being selfish.
I know that sounds extremely childish and simplistic, but 2010 was a terrible year for people close to me. I was a selfish sister, a selfish friend, a selfish daughter, and a selfish pet owner. Just all around extremely selfish. I'm going to be more conscious of the things I say and do and how it affects the people around me. It's as simple as that.

4) Be productive and find a job.
I have to tell you, 2010 was one of my laziest years. I feel like I spent most of the year just sleeping and being lazy. Oh, and indulging myself. I indulged myself tremendously. Yeah, just an extremely slothful year. Actually, this is one of the only goals I have that is year-specific. I know, I can't afford to be slothful for the rest of my life. But, I feel like if I get sorted out in the job front, the productive aspect of my life will figure itself out.

So, here they are. Four lofty goals. One step at a time. I'm uncharacteristically optimistic.

Happy New Year from Neil Gaiman

2011-01-02T15:56:00.000+05:30

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

I love you, Neil Gaiman. You have a way with words like no other.

P.S. I took this from his blog

Dance, Dance, Dance

2011-01-02T15:37:00.002+05:30

I've signed up for a Murakami challenge here. It seems like a good thing. I've been wanting to read After Dark and Underground, anyway. That would complete the list of all Murakami books. Means I have to start re reading which is always a good thing. I'll start with Kafka on the Shore again then.

A Murakami challenge to start 2011. Whatay start to the year.

I wanna be...

2010-12-24T21:19:00.000+05:30

Before I went to Australia, I bought this whole bunch of really nice, sexy lingerie. I was going to save it for a special occasion. I didn't know exactly what that occasion would be, maybe my graduation. Turns out, I didn't get to use my nice lingerie in Australia. I brought it back with me. I have a whole drawer now of nice lingerie that I haven't used. I keep waiting for that special occasion. Until today, I decided, you know what, every day is going to be sexy lingerie day! The special occasion is me. I will celebrate myself and wear nice lingerie every single day.

2010-12-21T20:36:00.000+05:30

Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked with anyone else.

A friend of mine posted this as her Facebook status message a couple of weeks ago. All in Caps. I guess she really believes it.

Risky Business

2010-12-20T21:50:00.000+05:30

I visited a Tarot Card reader yesterday. Now, before you scoff...I know, okay? I know everything that's wrong with them. I know that they're not scientific. I know that tarot card readers use body language to deduce. I know most of it is common sense and most of it is stuff we want to hear. I know.
I think I just wanted someone to tell me something I wanted to hear. I wanted some direction, some sign. And, hey, if it's from a part time tarot card reader who charges me 500 Rupees, I'm not going to question it.

These many weeks of aimless wanderings and some soul searching has me leaning towards a big career change and a big move. It's a risk. A big risk. Something I haven't done before. But, I have a feeling that if I don't take this risk, I will always regret it. I can't tell you how it's going to work. I don't even know if it will work. I just want to try this once. If it doesn't work out, I'll fall back on my corporate background.

Deep breath.

2010-12-18T01:00:00.003+05:30

All I'm asking...is that I meet someone who's not an asshole. How difficult can that be?

2010-12-10T21:18:00.000+05:30

Sometimes, I don't have anything to do online. This entire week, I've barely been online for more than two hours combined. It's strange, considering how much time I used to waste online when I was in Bangalore. Maybe it's a good thing? I've been reading more. That's about the only useful thing I've been doing this week. I should begin the job hunt and work on my resume, but I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do. The weather in Gurgaon really doesn't help much. All you want to do is cuddle with Frodo and read.
Sigh.

Me Myself

2010-12-05T23:40:00.001+05:30

I love spending time with myself, by myself, whatever you want to call it. In fact, the person whose company I enjoy the most is probably me. I think I'm interesting, funny, charming, and I definitely know how to keep myself entertained. Of course, there are days when I need to go out and spend time with other people. But, it happens maybe once in three or four weeks, and I just need that one day. I suppose some people may view this as being anti social, but is it really all that bad wanting to spend time with yourself?

I remember there was a point in my life when I was pretty uncomfortable with this concept. I was 12 years old and saw this person eating at a restaurant by himself. And, I thought, oh my God, that's so sad. I'm never going to do that. The first time I wanted to do it, I thought everybody in the restaurant was looking at me and judging me, thinking that I had no friends or that I was weird. My first step in getting over that was to go for a movie by myself. My reasoning has and will always be that I go to watch a movie for the movie. I don't see why it has to be an event. I don't see why I have to include people. I want to watch a movie, I'm going to watch it. If you think about it, you're not going to talk to somebody during the movie, so you basically just need someone to a) accompany you to the cinema b) buy your movie ticket c) give you a ride home or d) all of the above. I don't see why I can't do any of these things by myself especially when I'm perfectly capable of doing all these things by myself.

Now, going for a holiday by myself took a lot more convincing. I was pretty scared, nervous, apprehensive. In fact, I still feel those things before going on a solo trip. But, hey, you've just got to take the plunge.

I'm not sure what the point of this post was. I suppose, just embrace yourself, be comfortable about spending time alone, you might actually begin to like yourself. Not to say that spending all this time alone has made me fall in love with myself, but I think I'm getting there. Slowly. One movie, one meal, one trip at a time.

Khmer Tales continued

2010-11-28T19:18:00.001+05:30

I've visited most of the famous temples in Siem Reap. Did Angkor Vat for the sunset. The next day, I went to Ta Prohm, Bayon and Angkor Thom. Got up at 4:30 for the sunrise. It was a lot of walking, so I was really tired by 11 o clock and just wanted to go back to my hotel room and sleep. The one thing I liked about going to these temples is that every half an hour or so, I'll find a quiet place to myself and write in my little notebook. Write and write furiously. Things that have been bothering, things that are on my mind. I think most of my self reflecting happens only when I write things down.

Anyway, I went to Angkor Vat at about 2:30. It's a gorgeous temple. Really really big. But, the crowd. Oh my God. It was like a rock concert. So many people. It's ridiculous. I think I might just go back to watch the sun rise there one of these days.

All the other important temples are all in the Angkor Temple Complex. I wouldn't recommend cycling. It gets really hot after 10:00 am. I did see a lot of people attempting it though. Brave souls.

The sunrise the next day at Ta Prohm was amazing. The temple itself is beautiful. All those ruins. I could sit in that temple all day, I think. The Bayon temple and Angkor Thom are pretty good, but it's one of things where you need a guide. I did walk around a bit on my own, but unless you know where things are, you're kind of just walking around from one ruin to another without really knowing what it is. And, at 10 o clock in the morning with the sun beating down on me, I wasn't in the mood.

I wore these comfortable slippers to Angkor Vat, and my converse shoes and jeans the next day for the three temples. You just need to wear comfortable shoes. I wore jeans on both days, but I noticed a lot of tourists wearing shorts. You just need to carry a sarong and wrap it around yourself when you're visiting the actual places of worship.

I found one tuk tuk driver who's been driving me around everywhere. He seems nice enough. Doesn't seem to be fleecing me. I've realised that you spend all your money on tuk tuks in Siem Reap. They're quite expensive. Although, Siem Reap is one of the poorest provinces in Cambodia. I don't mind giving them the money. I can clearly afford it.

Tomorrow, I'm going to this temple that's about 30 kms from the town. It's 20 dollars by tuk tuk. I've heard it's pretty wonderful. And, there are a few things on the way that I can see as well. So, I'm looking forward to that.

Khmer tales

2010-11-25T18:55:00.000+05:30

I'm at Siem Reap now. Been here for half a day and already I love it more than Phnom Penh. To be fair, I didn't go out much in Phnom Penh. I pretty much stuck to my hotel. Did the whole killing fields thing. The few times I did go out though, everything just felt so chaotic. I never thought there'd be a country with traffic as bad as India. Thailand's traffic is pretty bad, but, I've always felt it was organised and they had some sort of respect for traffic rules. Phnom Penh though. Boy, just all over the place. No respect for lanes, no indicators, no stopping for pedestrians, no following traffic lights. I love it. Reminds me of home.
My hotel in Phnom Penh was gorgeous though. Lovely room. Lovely pool. Food is a bit limited. Really strong cosmopolitans. I'm pretty sure I got ripped off by a lot of tuk tuk drivers and shop keepers. I don't mind though. It's fine. I'm going back there again for a day just before I leave for Delhi.

I'm not very happy with my hotel in Siem Reap. As soon as I arrived, I was so disappointed. The room smelled funny. I hated the bathroom. The people at the reception didn't speak good English and weren't very helpful at all. I was in this strange despair. I'm like, oh damn. I'm stuck in this city for another seven days. What the hell am I going to do? Then, I walked out. Got a massage. Walked to pub street which is less than a minute away. And, fell in love with the location. This hotel has the best location possible. Just really close to everything. I love it. I'm going to look for another place close by so that I don't have to walk around too much. I got myself a guide book also, so, I'm thinking of doing all the temples. There's about three temples that I definitely have to visit: Angkor Vat, Ta Prohm, and Bayon. There are a few others in the vicinity as well that I can plan over the course of these seven days. Seven days! In a place without a pool. All by myself. I'm a little scared. But, hopefully, things will go well.

When I grow up, can I be in Gryffindor, please?

2010-11-14T20:27:00.000+05:30

In anticipation of the new Harry Potter movie that's coming out, I'm on a Harry Potter kick all this week. I have movies 3-6. I need to download 1 and 2. Then, I'm going to watch them all in succession up until Friday. I'm really excited! I wish I had all the books with me, so I could read all those again. But, they're all packed up in boxes. Maybe when I go to The Thing's place, I can read the last one all over again.

Going to Gurgaon on Wednesday. Yes, very excited about that. Also excited about my Cambodia trip. I mean, as excited as I can be. My mum's put a dampener on things in that regard. I'm hoping that by the time I leave, things will be better.

Anyway, happy wizarding everyone.

Epiphanies and more

2010-11-06T01:00:00.001+05:30

I have these moments where I have epiphanies. Actually, I'm not sure I can call them epiphanies because they fade away really fast, and epiphanies are supposed to last for a while, aren't they? Or not? Are they just an insight into your reality and nothing more? Because I've had plenty of insights. And, with these insights come the decision to do something.

Somewhere along the way, these decisions are forgotten or ignored for easier paths.

So, here's my insight. In print. Recorded for posterity. Something to remind me every time I think of choosing the easier path:

You are better than this. Better than all of it. You deserve a better job. You deserve a good man. You deserve the happiness. Do something about the things that you can control. Find that job that will make you happy. Get involved in other things that will make you happy as well. Just be involved. Don't be complacent. You are much better than this.

#tweetyour16yearoldself

2010-11-05T16:57:00.001+05:30

I didn't want to put this on Twitter, so here's my tweet to my 16 year old self:
You are way more interesting, smarter, and prettier than you give yourself credit for. These people will mean nothing to you in twelve years.

What's the total count?

2010-11-05T16:30:00.000+05:30

October seems to have gone by in a flurry of posts. 16 to be exact. An all-time high for this year. Or any other year to be honest. Unfortunately, this means that October wasn't a very good month. Unless I'm traveling, I write more when I'm troubled. Yeah sure, I may have masked it in completely irrelevant posts that have nothing to do with my feelings. But, I was troubled. I still am, to be honest with you. But, I feel like I have an end in sight and it's going to work out for the best in the long run.

I was sure I was going to Cambodia. I think I'll still end up going in a couple of weeks. Something seems to be holding me back from planning my trip. I can't figure out what that could be.

Anyway, here's to November having more posts than October because of my wonderful trip to Cambodia and Gurgaon.

Gluttony, thy name is...

2010-11-02T17:55:00.001+05:30

I have absolutely disgusting today. Food wise. I ate 10 Ferrora Roche's. Just like that. Just like that. Isn't that awful? I mean, not all in one go. But, still. Disgusting enough. Apparently, chocolate has anti oxidants that make you feel better. I think it was just that nutty, crunchy outer shell; thin wafer covering next; gooey chocolate filling; and one hazelnut. Yum.
So yeah, I've completely let myself go in my diet. Just because I thought I wasn't going to exercise any more, I feel like I can eat anything I want. Which is completely stupid. I really need to start watching what I eat.

In another news, Dylan has a white sock and is feeling extremely sorry for himself. If it was difficult to convince him to come out with me in the best of circumstances, now is just worse. He does not move. Poor guy. I have to take him to the vet tomorrow to change his dressing. I hope he moves for that at least.

I'll take painless stupidity over this wisdom any day

2010-10-30T17:41:00.000+05:30

I seem to have a ping pong ball in my mouth. And, it's very painful I must say.

Damn you wisdom tooth and this infection! You've ruined my weekend plans!

Ah, those golden drops

2010-10-29T14:25:00.001+05:30

I find it difficult to understand how people get addicted to alcohol. I mean, I understand the high you get when you're...well, high. But, doesn't your body just kill you the next day? Mine takes at least a few hours to recover from just a few drinks from the night before. And, there's no way I can imagine even touching a drop of alcohol anytime soon.

I'm sure it has something to do with age. Maybe in my early twenties, I would've been able to stick it out, drink every night. But, in my early twenties, I was in a relationship with a Bihari boy who didn't like me drinking. So, I didn't drink. Yeah, I know, I'm judging myself also now. Point being, I didn't really get a chance to experience this night after night of drinking.

I went to Dublin when I was 23. My first time out of the country (the middle east doesn't count). Yeah, they have a pretty strong drinking culture there. I wasn't much of a beer drinker then, so I kept ordering vodka and lime. Which turned out to be expensive in the long run, so, I stuck to Bulmers cider. (It's very yum, and I have become a cider convert).

Looking back at it now, I think I may have been a bit of a party pooper. The first couple of weeks, I didn't go out with people on weekends even though they invited me because it just wasn't something I did back in India. I'd go to a pub, but excuse myself early because, come on, we have work the next day, and if I'm not home by 11, how am I going to wake up? I didn't know that the Irish have some super human drinking capacity, and can show up for work the next day, bright-eyed, on time with no signs of a hangover.

I discovered that when towards the end of my stay, I decided to stay out till 2:00 a.m. on a week night. I still wasn't the last person to leave the bar. There were at least ten more people there who were convincing me to stay. I went home, woke up with the worst hangover, went to work late and cursed the Irish and their yummy cider. I was going on a road trip with my American housemate that evening, and she loved telling the story of how I threw up like the girl from Exorcist some ten minutes into the trip. To everyone we met on the trip after that.

When it was time for me to leave, I was able to handle the late nights and daily drinking. Then, I came back to India and lost that ability.
Last night, I went out and had six watered down cocktails. I gulped them down like they were juice. I started feeling nauseous, took a walk. Came home, couldn't wake up in the morning to take the dogs out. Basically, I just miss Dublin.

My new addiction

2010-10-29T13:26:00.000+05:30

I have become addicted to this blog.

It's everything I want my blog to be. She's brutally honest, warm, funny, liberating and just extremely real. I can't believe I just found out about this. Where have I been?

Wow, what a feeling

2010-10-29T00:39:00.001+05:30

You hate coming with me on walks, you hate eating when I give you food, you completely ignore me when my sister is around.

But, every time I walk through the front door, you treat me like I'm the most important person in the world, and that, makes it all worth it.
All of it. Don't stop. Ever.

You know you want to

2010-10-28T12:24:00.000+05:30

Have you noticed how some blogs are really personal and tell you a lot about the person writing? Sometimes, you feel like you're intruding.
Like my blog, for example, there's a lot about me in here that you wouldn't find out in normal conversation, and I'm okay with random strangers finding out those things about me. I don't divulge my deepest, darkest fears and desires. It's light and superficial, and I'm fine with that.

I had this discussion with a friend who said he doesn't post anything on Facebook. No status updates, no wall posts, no links, nothing. Because it's a part of himself that he only wants a few people to know about. And, come to think of it, the rest of us are just exhibitionists aren't we? Oh look, I went on a lovely holiday to Bali, here are my pictures. Look at my gorgeous dog, isn't he lovely. I'm so lucky. As much as we are exhibitionists, we're also voyeurs. We love looking at other people's walls, pictures and making judgements about them.

God, Facebook is like one big global high school. It's fine. I loved high school anyway.

Your dog looks fat

2010-10-26T00:09:00.000+05:30

I don't like it when people give me advice on my dogs. However well meaning it may be, nobody likes to be told that they're not a good parent. The thing is, I agree with everything that they say, I just don't like them to be the ones telling me. That's all. Of course, I'm guilty of this myself. I feel like I need to dole out advice to just about anybody having a dog.

Call me two-face. It's a vicious cycle that can't be stopped.

Page turner

2010-10-23T00:21:00.001+05:30

I've mentioned time and again how I don't like kids, how I don't want to have any kids, how I don't seem to have any maternal instinct. But, today, I thought of a list of books that I would introduce my child too. No Twilight and Sweet Valley Highs and Mills and Boon. Just good literature. The fact that I can influence someone's reading during their formative years really really excites me.

Maybe I should've just become a teacher.

Priorities, priorities.

2010-10-22T19:14:00.001+05:30

I've decided to tie all my loose ends together. I've been living in some surreal alternate world for the last two months. A world with no consequences. Literally.
So, I've decided to be more careful with money, with my time, with my eating habits, with my exercising.

I refuse to succumb to my laziness. Imaginary or real.

I feel energized. Reinvigorated.

How many minutes again?

2010-10-21T11:26:00.001+05:30

I'm a lazy cook. Now, I know that won't come as much of a surprise considering that half my posts in this blog are about how I'm lazy all the time. But, I actually think I have the potential to be a great cook. My dishes would taste so much better if only I chopped the onions more finely, waited five minutes more. Things like that. The thing is...when I look at a recipe and see, 15 minutes, I'm like, this tastes fine even at the 10 minute mark. So, I stop cooking.
The problem is that I cook when I'm hungry. And, when I'm hungry, I want to eat something immediately. Therefore, the coarsely chopped vegetables, less time and stuff.

I suppose this means that I should cook with a full stomach.

Yeah, no, where's the motivation then?

2010-10-20T17:12:00.001+05:30

I'm not over it.

Jai Ho

2010-10-14T01:08:00.001+05:30

I have to admit, I've never really understood our gung-ho and sometimes misplaced sense of patriotism.
Don't get me wrong. I love living in this country, I can't imagine living elsewhere. Being Indian gives me an identity and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm not unpatriotic, I'm just not particularly patriotic.

So, when I see comments like, "Oh, Kashmiris don't want to be a part of India. So ungrateful. We've done so much for them. Let them go to Pakistan," I'm a little stumped.

I can understand it, to a certain extent, in sports. Sports is competitive. Someone has to win. And, if a person or team is representing a country, then yes, it makes sense.

While I understand it, I don't really care much for it.

When a big deal was made about the CommonWealth Games Opening ceremony, and consequently, India's success at the Games, I didn't care. I know that sounds harsh, but I've never been much of a sports watcher. And, the fact that it's the CWG and India performing well and all didn't make much of a difference.

Till I started watching Badminton and Table Tennis matches in my gym. For some reason, my cardio machine always ends up being in front of the screen that shows DD Sports. Since I don't know how to change the channels, I've watched these games. I must confess I quite enjoy them. I play a bit of badminton myself. The matches are all fast, short and pretty intense. I soon began looking forward to watching these matches at the gym and would actually wait to find out outcomes of matches. DD Sports mostly shows us games with Indians, so, I'm always rooting for the home team.

Today, I decided, since I work from home, why not keep my TV on at DD Sports and see if there's anything interesting. I saw Indian women win the 4X400 Relay in athletics. According to the really loud commentator, this is quite an achievement. I watched the medal ceremony for this as well. And, I don't know if it was because the Nigerian girl was crying or because of that commentator reaching fever pitch in his commentary, but, I started crying. Not an intense, OMG, crying. But, I shed a few tears. Just like that. Those girls looked so happy and...proud. Just so proud.

I'm beginning to reconsider this patriotism thing.

Surprises

2010-10-12T22:46:00.000+05:30

Life's little miracles: when your iPod shuffle recognises your mood and plays songs accordingly.
Big smile.

Yawn

2010-10-11T14:55:00.000+05:30

I'm a little frightened by how lazy I can get at times. I'm not being funny. I seriously think it's a problem. Like today, I was walking to the grocery stores and thought, okay, I need to go to an ATM, there's on on this side of the road, I'll use it and cross the road to the grocery store. Makes sense, right. The grocery store is just across the road from the ATM. Then, when I was 50 metres away from the ATM, I thought, nah, I don't want to wait for money to come out. I'll do it some other day. And, just like that, I crossed the road and went to the grocery store. Just like that. 50 metres away!
That's a problem, right? That's a problem!

I got the results for the third Thyroid test I've taken. In the hopes that something can explain this laziness. Apparently, I'm well within normal limits. Well within.

I am now convinced that it has something to do with me not drinking enough water. So, I'm going to start increasing my water intake and see if it makes a difference.

On a side, I finished reading 'Wizards First Rule.' I have to say I'm not convinced that I need to invest in the rest of the series. I went to the bookstore and picked up one of Murakami's latest 'What I talk about when I talk about running.' It's almost like a very short memoir, and I'm quite excited because it's one of the few personal things I'll read about the guy.

I've read about 20 pages and already, I got goosebumps once. Can't wait for the others.

Hello friend.

2010-10-08T14:50:00.003+05:30

I can't wait to get to know you better.

2010-10-07T10:14:00.000+05:30

I will only post a video for today. My absolute favorite performance. Ever.

Two glorious weeks

2010-10-04T20:03:00.000+05:30

Two weeks have passed, and I've deleted the email from my drafts folder. Didn't need to send it out.

What do you know, looks like the Ayodhya verdict passed uneventfully. The verdict, of course, leaves a lot to be desired, but I'm happy with the way the country reacted. The CommonWealth Games had a spectacular opening ceremony.

India Shining, huh?

I'm reading Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. The first book is called 'Wizards First Rule'. I must say I'm hooked. You ever read one of those books where when you stop reading you start to feel restless. It's like reality is so dull and everyday conversations are so tedious, and all you want to do is get back to the book. Well, yeah, so, Wizards First Rule is like that. It's a bit of a bummer because it's a 12 book series, and so, it's an expensive series to get hooked on to. Sigh. Reading is such an expensive addiction.

No More

2010-09-30T13:25:00.000+05:30

The melodramatic corniness of the last few posts makes me want to vomit. I suppose I was in some sort of a vulnerable place. It hasn't completely gone though, but I can keep it under control till it does.

So, everyone has an opinion on the CWG and Ayodhya, don't they? To be honest, I haven't really been following much of either. I haven't had the chance to read a newspaper in a long time or even look at a news channel. My only source of any information comes when I go to the gym and watch NDTV 24X7 without any sound while doing my cardio. Not the most reliable source, but better than not knowing anything.

Here's hoping the Ayodhya verdict passes uneventfully. Here's hoping...

Ufff

2010-09-28T22:00:00.000+05:30

I heard a song today that I can only describe as life-changing.
I can't tell you how exactly it's going to change my life. I just know that it is.

Never Let Me Go

2010-09-28T17:59:00.000+05:30

I read an interview where Haruki Murakami said that Kazuo Ishiguro's 'Never Let Me Go' was his favorite book of the last fifty years. I've been wanting to read this book for a long time but keep getting sidetracked with all my fantasy recommendations.
I am headed to the bookstore now to pick up this book. Because, come on, if Murakami recommends it, it has to be worth it.

2010-09-19T15:47:00.000+05:30

I asked you for the moon, you gave me the stars.
I asked you for the sun, and you blocked it out.
I asked you for your heart, and you broke mine.

2010-09-17T15:06:00.000+05:30

I was having a pretty crappy day when a someone sent me a friend request for her dog on Facebook. Instant smile :)

2010-09-17T11:11:00.000+05:30

I'm inspired to write. I don't know about what. I have plenty of content. But, I'm not in the mood to go into details. I think I just wanted to say that I'm inspired. Let's just leave it at that.

My Ungrateful Son

2010-09-01T18:55:00.000+05:30

Sometimes, when's he walking behind me and doesn't pull against the leash, I'm terrified that the collar's slipped off and he's going to get hit by a car. When, actually, he's just being a good boy and enjoying his walk.

Promotion, you say?

2010-08-31T11:36:00.000+05:30

Sometimes, I'm a little worried about my lack of ambition. No, I don't want to become a senior VP of a company and travel all over the world. I'd rather invest in stocks or something silly like that where I didn't have to do any work and sit back and relax. You know how there are people who get restless when there's nothing to do? I'm not one of those. I can spend days and days and days doing nothing. I mean, not really nothing. I'd read. I'd watch movies. I'd surf. I'd probably gym. I'd go for long lunches and crazy dinners. I'd travel to a country for a month at a time. It would be just brilliant. This is, of course, if I had all the money in the world.

I hear these stories of my friends doing really well in the corporate world. Starting up their own businesses and stuff, and I'm very happy for them. Truly, I am. But, I don't want that for myself. I'd rather work from work, play with my dogs and make a very decent amount of money than sit in an office every single day in my high heels and corporate wear.

Yeah, that's it. Actually, no, not worried any more.

I'm wondering about...

2010-08-27T23:09:00.000+05:30

how many more frogs I need to kiss...

How's it going, mate?

2010-08-16T09:46:00.001+05:30

I miss Melbourne and Seetha so much.

So much.

The circle keeps getting smaller

2010-08-13T13:13:00.000+05:30

Have you noticed how in the last ten years we've been hearing about natural disasters and terrorist attacks much more than before. And while sometimes these attacks and disasters happen in your own backyard, you still hear the whole thing in a suspended sense of disbelief. Yeah, people died in the chaat shop in Hyderabad, but no one you knew was close by to be affected. It was a sad event, but it wasn't YOUR sad event.

But the events start happening more frequently, and the odds are stacked against you. It starts with a friend's friend, or friend's cousin, and it moves without warning to your immediate circle. So when you hear that your sister is stuck in a place that has been hit by flash floods and there is no way to contact her, you're not sure how to react, or even think. It was almost like a hole had been carved out of my stomach, and you can't eat, you can't think clearly. All you can do is will her to call you. Strangely enough, there were hardly any tears.

My friend thought I was being morbid when I asked her to find out if there were any tourists among casualties. I wasn't. I just wanted to rule out all possibilities.

My sister is safe now. She had an adventurous trip. But, I can't stop thinking about how the circle is getting smaller.

Good Morning

2010-08-10T08:16:00.000+05:30

There's this old lady I see sometimes on my walk with Dylan. Every time she sees me, she says Good Morning, pats Dylan on the head, and tells me what a beautiful dog he is.

It's enough to make my day.

Wish Upon a Star

2010-07-20T08:46:00.000+05:30

I just read this post I'd written at the end of February where I'd said that I wish I had a job where I could make money, join a gym, and adopt a dog.

Who said dreams don't come true?

5,6,7,8

2010-07-15T20:21:00.000+05:30

I went ahead and signed up for a personal trainer. A very expensive personal trainer. One that will only last for three months. I feel good about it though. Firstly, I really like this gym. I mean, really really like it. Second, my trainer's very cute. Young, but cute.
So, in paper, I have a lot of motivation to go. Also, I don't know when the steam will blow off. But, right now, something about going and exercising and thinking about losing this weight, it makes me feel really good about myself.

Sure, he pushes me too hard, and sure, it's impossible to see results so soon, but already, I can feel the difference. Maybe, it's just in the way that I see myself.

No laughing matter

2010-07-09T20:44:00.000+05:30

I went on a rant on Twitter yesterday. A grammatically incorrect rant that too. It's okay. I don't think anyone read it. Whoever did also must not have understood anything because I didn't RT the original tweet. Me and stupid principles. I don't know where they're going to get me. I walked out of a church because the pastor said something derogatory about Hinduism; I unfollowed this pretty funny guy on Twitter because he said 'chinky' to describe north-eastern people.

Yeah, I think I'm fighting these battles in my head. No one else really joins me.

Anyway, the tweet in question said "Walking down a street filled with stray dogs is a great way for a man to understand eve-teasing."

Admittedly, a little funny and meant in a light hearted way. But then, I just got irritated that a man was trying to simplify eve-teasing. And because I personally know women who have been sexually assaulted, molested and eve teased in the most disgusting way possible, it offended me that he was making such a light hearted statement about something that is pretty traumatising to women. Just like it's not cool to make rape jokes.

Yes asshole, being barked at by stray dogs is the same thing as being followed by a guy with his penis out.